


Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)

by Lexys23



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Kidnapping, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-05 18:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15869730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexys23/pseuds/Lexys23
Summary: It had been three years. They always got together on the same two days. It was all they could do. No one let them do anything. They couldn't search. They weren't allowed. They weren't even allowed to be alone. They had all moved in together.It had been three years since the last Fifth Harmony performance. They hadn't been on stage in three years. The fans understood, even though they wished it was different. They understood it was hard. They understood.It had been three years since they were all together. All five of them hadn't been in the same place in three years. They hadn't been complete. They hadn't been a group in some time.It had been three years since the kidnapping of Lauren Jauregui. It had been three years since anyone had seen her. It had been three years since they had heard her voice. It had been three years since anyone looked into her green eyes.It had been three years since Lauren was taken out of their lives.It had been three years.





	1. Part 1: Do You Know Who You Are?

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with the aftermath of Lauren's kidnapping. Deals with dark elements, such as torture and rape. This whole story is a big TRIGGER WARNING.

It had been three years. They always got together on the same two days. It was all they could do. No one let them do anything. They couldn't search. They weren't allowed. They weren't even allowed to be alone. They had all moved in together.

It had been three years since the last Fifth Harmony performance. They hadn't been on stage in three years. The fans understood, even though they wished it was different. They understood it was hard. They understood.

It had been three years since they were all together. All five of them hadn't been in the same place in three years. They hadn't been complete. They hadn't been a group in some time.

It had been three years since the kidnapping of Lauren Jauregui. It had been three years since anyone had seen her. It had been three years since they had heard her voice. It had been three years since anyone looked into her green eyes.

It had been three years since Lauren was taken out of their lives.

It had been three years.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Ju_ _ne_ _27th, 2019_

Camila Cabello had never felt so hopeless. She never felt so useless. She never felt so broke.

She looked down at the cupcake in front of her, the small flame lighting up her face. The clock showed the bright 12:00 behind her. She just stared at the flickering light.

It had been a tradition. Lauren always celebrated her birthday with her the second the clock hit midnight. They would blow out a small cupcake, and Lauren would make a wish. They would go to bed and go about their day normally. Lauren always had a second cake with her own family. Camila and Lauren never told anyone about their tradition. It was theirs, and they didn't need anyone lese knowing about it.

Camila inhaled deeply. She closed her eyes. She kept them closed for a second before opening them and exhaling, blowing out the candle. Camila had continued the tradition after Lauren's kidnapping. It was the only thing that kept her connected to the green-eyed girl. She even made the same wish.

Camila grabbed the cupcake and threw it away, not having an appetite. She walked towards a picture that hung on the wall. She stared at the picture of the group of friends. It was the last picture they had taken together. Camila reached over to touch Lauren's face. She sighed.

"Come back to us." Camila let her arm fall and went to bed, knowing she was not going to any sleep that night, just like every other birthday since the disappearance.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

The door burst down. A group of men in black outfits stormed inside. Red lasers scanning the room before stopping at the two bodies in front of them.

One of the men pushed his way forward. He yanked his mask off, taking in the scene. "My god."

He took off his jacket. He inched towards the body that was crouched down at the corner. He knew it was a girl, her long dark hair covering her face. He paid no attention to the body hanging in the middle of the room. He crouched down and looked at the young girl.

"Lauren?"

The girl moved. He felt his breath hitch as he waited. He didn't wait long before green eyes locked into his. He couldn't help but smile.

She had been found. Lauren was found.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

She ran. She could feel her heart beating against her chest. She could feel a sharp pain in her legs.

Figures and shapes blurred around her. Her blood pumped in her ears. Her lungs screamed for oxygen. She stopped the second she reached the door. She panted as she stood there. She didn't move, her eyes staring at the door in front of her.

She felt someone tap her shoulder. She jumped and looked behind her. She smiled softly seeing her three friends standing behind her. She turned back to the door. She sighed deeply, not knowing what to do. She reached forward and knocked on the door.

The door swung open. Standing there was Taylor Jauregui. The young girl had grown up into her own person. Camila had the pleasure of seeing it happen, something she wished Lauren was there to see as well.

Taylor moved out of the way. She signaled for the girls to enter. Camila mentally prepared herself before entering. The house was just the same as it always was. Camila walked to the kitchen, her friends walking behind her. She could hear the footsteps. She stopped at the doorway. A small smile appeared on her face as she stared at the cake in the middle to the table. She could see the wordings from her position. "Happy Birthday Lauren". It was all it said, it was all it needed to say.

Camila looked up to see Michael Jauregui sitting at the head of the table. Camila had seen his relationship with Lauren first hand. She had seen how close the two were. Lauren had always been a daddy's girl, and Camila used to love teasing her about it. She's teased the older girl until her face was a deep red. Seeing it now, she could see how destroyed the man was.

Camila slowly walked to the man. He looked up when he heard her. He gave her a smile.

"Hello Mr. Jauregui," Camila said, her voice low.

The man stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "Camila."

Camila wrapped her arms around him. She inhaled deeply, imagining another Jauregui in her arms.

The man pulled away and gave the girl a small smile. "I'm glad you could make it. All of you," he added looking behind her.

Ally Brooke took a step forward. "We wouldn't miss it for any thing."

The man nodded his head. He took a step back and turned to the cake. Just then, Clara Jauregui walked into the kitchen, Chris Jauregui behind her. Dinah Jane and Normani Kordei moved to the table.

Soon enough, Lauren's friends and family surrounded the table. Clara lit the candles. They all stared at the flames, just like Camila had done earlier.

"My little girl would have been twenty-three years old," Clara said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Camila could feel her own tears well up in her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but the more she thought about Lauren, the more tears would bundle up.

The phone started to ring, scaring everyone. Camila hadn't realized how quiet it was. She hadn't noticed that no one had made a sound. Not even a sniffle. But she did realize that no one's eyes were dried.

Clara wiped her eyes and went to answer the phone. Mike blew the candles out and cut the cake. He handed a piece to each person, and even cut a piece for Lauren, even if she wasn't there to take it. They always did that, it was a way to keep her with them.

There was a scream and a bang. They all jumped and rushed to the living room, where Clara stood sobbing. The phone was on the ground. The woman had her hands over her eyes as she sobbed. The three shocked Jaureguis went to talk to the woman. Camila decided to check the phone.

She went to grab it.

"Hello? Who is this?"

" _Is Mrs. Jauregui okay?_ " a voice said. It was male, and it sounded worry.

Camila looked at the older woman. "She's in shock, I think. What did you tell her?"

" _I don't know if I can tell you, but Lauren Jauregui has been found. She's at the hospital. I think you guys should get here as soon as possible._ "

Camila didn't feel the phone slip out of her hand. She didn't feel her body tremble. There was only one thing in her head. All she could think about was the fact that Lauren was found. She was alive. Her wish had come true.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

They all ran into the hospital. They all wanted to be there. They were taken to a door.

The doctor stood in front of them. "Earlier today, the police were tipped off that someone was taken hostage. When they arrived to the location, they found a man; he had hung himself and was dead by the time they had arrived. They found a girl in the room as well, Lauren.  She was awake, and responded to sound. She hasn't spoken once. She is dehydrated, and malnourished. Three years is a long time, and we have many tests to take. Once we find out more, we will let you know. You can see her, but I'd like small groups. I don't want to overwhelm her."

Camila felt lightheaded. She looked at the doctor. "The man? Was he—" She couldn't continue. She could feel herself getting sick thinking about the  _bastard_.

"He was the one who took her. The police believe he had been watching her before the kidnapping. When they searched the place, they found many pictures of her, ranging from before he took her. They also found her room. It wasn't a great sight. She was living like an animal. I wouldn't be surprised if that affected her psyche."

Camila heard a sob behind her. She clenched her fists, feeling anger. The doctor nodded and walked away, leaving the group alone. Camila turned to look at the people in front of her.

"I can't," Clara cried, as she shook her head. Mike wrapped his arms around her. He whispered soothing words into her ear.

"Camila, I think you should go first," Ally whispered, her eyes not leaving the devastated parents. Ally turned to look at Camila.

"Me?"

Clara nodded her head. "Please. I just need a minute."

Camila swallowed loudly, before nodding. She turned and touched the doorknob. She took a deep breath and opened it. She entered the room and closed it behind her, wanting to be alone with the girl. She walked to the bed; to see the girl on the bed.

Lauren looked nothing like her old self. The girl was skinny, and not in a good way. She could see that Lauren didn't eat much. She also had bruises and cuts all over her body. Her hair had lost its shine. Her skin was a sickly pale. The worst part was her eyes. The eyes that once told many things were now dull.

Camila slowly walked towards Lauren, who was watching her every move. It was like she was waiting for something.

"L-Lauren?"

No response.

Camila got closer. Within time, she stood next to the bed. Lauren stared, a frown on her face.

"Lauren, d-do you know who, uh, who I am?"

A flinch.

It was something, but not what Camila wanted. The younger girl moved to touch Lauren's hand, but the girl moved away.

"Lauren," Camila whispered, her eyes shining with tears.

Lauren closed her eyes and shook her head. "N-no."

"Lo?"

"No, no, no," the girl muttered, shaking her head harder. Camila was worried she was going to hurt herself.

"Lauren, stop, you're going to hurt yourself," Camila said softly, wanting the girl to stop, but didn't want to scare her.

"No. Not Lauren," the girl whispered, confusing Camila.

"Lauren?"

"Not Lauren!" the green-eyes shouted, yanking at her hair.

Camila was scared. She could feel her heart pound.

"D-do you know who you are?"

Lauren quickly froze. Her eyes glazed over. She muttered something. Camila wasn't able to hear what was said.

"Who are you?"

Lauren looked up at Camila. Her eyes were void of emotion. She said one word in a monotone voice; in a voice that would always haunt Camila for the rest of her life. " _Slave_."

Camila actually threw up that time. Her heart broke upon hearing the word. Her head spun, as she grabbed onto the bed to keep from falling. There was so many things doing at once.

One thought ran through her head.

What had he done to her? 


	2. Part 2: Not Lauren. Never Lauren. Lauren Is Dead

****_S_ _lave._

_Her name was Slave._

_Lauren said her name was Slave._

Camila couldn't breath. The room was spinning. She could feel herself start to lose grip of reality. She couldn't believe what she just heard.  _Slave_.

Fucking Slave. That was Lauren's "name."

Camila looked up at the girl, who was watching with interested eyes.

Camila shook her head. "No, your name is Lauren. It's Lauren Jauregui."

The girl in question shook her head. Her eyes widened, as she shook her head in fear. Her hands went to her head, fingers gripping her hair. Her eyes were closed. "No! Lauren's gone. Dead. Slave."

Camila reached over to touch the girl's hand, but the older girl screamed.

Camila could feel herself being pushed away. Loud beeping sounds rang in the room. There was chatter. She stood there, as she watched the other girl scream. Camila couldn't look away.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Dinah ran inside the room when she heard screams. She looked around the room. She froze when she saw the screaming, sobbing girl. That was not Lauren. Not, that wasn't her friend. That wasn't the strong, intelligent girl she once knew. No, it couldn't.

Dinah felt herself pushed away, as doctors ran rushed into the room. Dinah turned over to see her best friend standing lost. Camila was standing there. She was staring at Lauren. Dinah could see the broken eyes of the girl.

Dinah slowly walked to the girl. She slowly inched closer. In a matter of seconds, Dinah was in front of the girl. Not once did Camila look away from Lauren.

"C-Camila?" Dinah asked softly.

Camila shifted her eyes from Lauren to Dinah. Tears were in her eyes. Camila's body started to tremble. She started to shake in place. Dinah rushed forward to wrap her arms around the girl. She rubbed her shoulder. "Camila?"

"Lauren," Camila sobbed, as she gripped Dinah's shirt. Camila shook her head, as if she tried to get a thought out of her head. "She-She thinks her name is  _Slave._ "

Hearing that, Dinah froze.  _Slave?_  One thing ran through her head as she thought of what that could mean. She looked over to Lauren, had people fussing over her. She did had stopped screaming, but was still tensed.

"Dinah, I think he really messed her up. I'm scared we won't get her back," Camila choked out.

"We'll get her back. It's just going to take some time. It's Lauren, she can get through anything. We just have to help her," Dinah said, rubbing the girl's shoulders.

Camila looked over to the other girl.

_**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** _

Lauren was rocking her body.

_Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth._

She had clenched her fists on either side of her head. Her nails digging into her palms.

"Lauren? Can you hear me?" someone asked.

 _Lauren? Lauren? Lauren?_ It was all she heard. It was everywhere. All around her.  _LaurenLaurenLauren._

Her nails dug deeper into her palms.  _Punish me_.

Blood. Blood leaking out. She had to be punished.

_Lauren. Lauren. Lauren._

_Slave. Slave. My name is Slave. I'm not Lauren._

She clenched tighter. She needed to bleed more.

_Not Lauren. Never Lauren. Lauren is dead. Slave._

_**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** _

_Sometime in Late 2016_

"What is your name?" he snarled, pushing her against the wall. His mouth was right next to her ear. His hand round her throat.

She didn't try to pulls his hand away. Not after last time. Her body still hurt from that time. And she didn't want to feel that. She closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears from leaking out, but it didn't stop them.

"Look at me!" he shouted, pulling her away from the wall and pushing her back against the wall.

Her eyes opened, as she connected with his dark eyes. She could see the anger inside of them. "Lauren!" she told him, wishing for it to end.

He gripped her throat tighter and threw her to the ground. She landed on her hands and knees. She could hear rustling behind her. Before she could question what that was, the first whip came down. She screamed out in pain as she felt, what she thought was a leather belt, slam against her back. She felt the edge of the belt leave stinging cuts behind.

"How," he started, hitting her again, "times," and again, "do," and again, "I have to tell you that  _that_  is not your name!" He hit her after each word. All she could do was scream and cry. She begged for him to stop.

He panted, letting his hand fall to his side. "What is your name?"

Lauren curled up in pain. Her body shook as she tried to talk. Her cries dried up her throat, making it hard to release a single sound.

He hit her again.

"Name!"

"Slave! My name is Slave! I am nothing except a slave!"

He let the belt slip out of his hand and crouched down in front of her. He helped her to her knees. He placed his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "Good. What is my name?"

"M-Master," she whispered, scared of getting hit again.

He smiled. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "I'm proud of you. Soon enough, you will be the best slave I ever have. Lauren doesn't exist anymore. Lauren is dead. You are not Lauren. I'll bring you your dinner."

He stood up, letting her fall back to the ground, and walked out of the room. She curled up into a small ball on the ground, no tears in her eyes. She started out into space. The pain on her back throbbing.

_Lauren doesn't exist anymore. Lauren is dead. You are not Lauren._

_Lauren is dead. You are not Lauren._

_You are not Lauren._

_I am not Lauren._

_**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** _

_Present_

Ally stood there. She stared at Camila and Dinah. They had left Lauren's room after the doctors kicked them out. Lauren's main doctor came out and started to talk to Lauren's parents in private.

Ally couldn't concentrate in what was happening with Lauren's parents and doctor. Her attention was on Camila, who looked like she had seen a ghost. Dinah didn't look any better. Ally and Normani hadn't know what to do. They could just stand there, waiting for the two younger girls to say something, anything.

Ally wanted her to say something. She wanted to know how her friend was. What she looked like, if she had said anything. But she felt like she had to wait for the other girl to open up first. She didn't want to push her. 

They waited a few more seconds before Camila spoke.

"I don't think she remembers us," Camila whispered, staring at the ground. Dinah placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. "She looked at me like she didn't know who I was. He- he  _fucking destroyed_  her. He destroyed Lauren."

Camila shook her head as fresh tears spilled out of her eyes.

"She doesn't react to her name. She, she told Camila that her, her name is—"Dinah couldn't say it. She couldn't tell them Lauren's new name, whatever it was.

Ally looked from Camila and Dinah who looked destroyed.

"Slave." Another voice said. Ally and the girls turned to look at the doctor and Lauren's parents. Ally froze. She frowned, not sure what to say.

_What? Slave?_

"Wh-what does that mean?" Normani asked, her voice trembling.

The doctor sighed. He turned to look at Clara and Mike. When they nodded, he turned back to the girls.

"Lauren was in her kidnapper's hands for three years. He was able to do whatever he wanted to her. He was able to manipulate her into thinking her name was Slave. He was able to control her, so that she would be submissive. From the injuries on her body, he was able to use pain to make her forget who she once was. Her subconscious pushed everything that made her into Lauren to the back of her head to keep her safe. All she knows are the last three years, and all the pain she went through. She connects the name Lauren to pain, and Slave to reward. In her mind, Lauren doesn't exist," he told them, a small frown on his face.

Ally gasped, as she thought about what had happened.

"We have to remind her," Normani said, tears in her eyes.

Ally nodded.

"It's going to be a slow process. We don't know what else he did to her, what else he got into her head. We will have to watch out for triggers, things that will remind her of what she went through. You'll have to get her past back."

The doctor's beeper went off. He gave the group a smile and told them he had another patient to check on. He gave them a small smile and left.

Ally looked at the closed door. She didn't know what to think.

Lauren was in there, lost from her own world. She closed her eyes and thought a silent prayer. She prayed for her friend, for her sister. She prayed for her health, physical, mental and emotional. She prayed for her friend to find herself. She prayed for her friend to make it out of what happened okay. She just prayed.

_**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** _

Normani stared at the sleeping figure. She wondered what was going through her head. She wondered what she was thinking. She wondered if she was ever going to be okay again.

They had left the hospital not too long ago. And the girls went to their home. They ate a quiet dinner. They sat around the dinner table in silence.

Ally was the first one to go to bed. Dinah went soon, after checking on Camila. The girl in question said she wasn't ready to sleep and said she was going to be okay, even though everyone knew it was a lie.

Normani suggested they go to the living room, and they went. They turned on the television. Normani left it on  _How I Met Your Mother_ , a classic. Camila curled up next to her, her eyes glued to the television, not watching.

The older girl watched her. She knew there were many things running though her head. But she didn't know how to ask.

Camila fell asleep not long after, leaving Normani the only one awake.

Everyone in the group had their own relationship with Lauren. Ally's was a big sister to Lauren. Dinah was a little sister. Normani and Lauren were like best friend, sister in that sense. But Camila, her relationship was different. After Lauren had gone missing, the girl lost it.

Camila didn't speak to anyone. She cried herself to sleep. She laid in bed and stare at nothing. She had stopped eating. They had to get Sofi to break Camila out of her depression. Even after three years they could see that Camila was never Camila again. And Normani knew that even though they found Lauren, Camila was still going to be a destroyed girl who lost her. Especially with what they knew about Lauren.

Normani thought about Lauren then. She thought about all the times they'd just hang out and dance to different songs. She thought about the times they sang Rihanna's songs at the top of their lungs. When they'd binge watch Will Smith's movies. Or they'd sit around and gossip about random things. She thought about the times Lauren would correct Normani's grammar and she'd get annoyed. Or the times she's mother everyone.

She was never going to have that relationship again. She was never going to sing  _Birthday Cake_  or  _S &M _with her. She'd never hear Lauren laugh as she repeated Normani's mistake. She'd never sit around and talk boys. Lauren wasn't going to tell her to go to bed, or wake her up in the morning. Nothing was going to be the same,

Normani didn't even know she was crying until she felt a hand wipe them. She looked down to see Camila staring at her.

"It's okay to cry. I did. You don't have to be strong," Camila whispered, reaching over and grabbing Normani's hand.

The older girl looked down at their intertwined hands and let it out. She sobbed for the last three years. She sobbed for what the future held. She just cried.

 


	3. Part 3: I Have to Thank You

 

They visited every day. They'd just sit there and talk. They wouldn't say her name. They were told not to. The doctors didn't want Lauren to have another freak out. They had learned that Lauren had cut her own palms with her nails. They had checked her out and noticed that not all scars were from him.

They were told that Lauren had been through hell. They were told that there was a chance Lauren would never fully heal. They were told there was a chance Lauren would never remember who she once was.

But they weren't going to stop trying. They were going to do everything they could. Whether she remembered or not was not up to them, but they could say they tried their best.

Camila stared at the sleeping figure on the hospital bed. The girl slept a lot. She didn't eat a lot. It worried Camila. She didn't know what to think about that.

At the moment, Camila was the only one in the room. Dinah, Ally, and Normani were out doing something, Camila didn't know what, and she really didn't care. Taylor and Chris were at home, getting things ready for Lauren's return. Mike and Clara were talking to the doctor and signing forms needed to be signed.

Lauren hadn't really said anything to anyone. She barely spoke, and it was understandable. Lauren didn't know who to trust. She didn't know who would hurt her.

Camila wanted to grab her hand and tell her that she can be trusted. That she didn't want to hurt her. That nothing was going to happen to her.

But she didn't say anything. She knew it wasn't going to do anything. Lauren didn't remember her. She didn't remember their friendship. She didn't remember the first time they met back in X-Factor. She didn't remember all the hugs and kisses they gave each other. She didn't remember all the sleepovers. She didn't remember anything, so why should she trust Camila?

There was a small knock on the door. Camila looked over to see Lauren's parents standing there.

Lauren had physically healed. She was walking on her own. They were told that she was able to go home, but they still wanted to see her. They were hoping that seeing her old home, her old room would bring things back. And Camila hoped for it as well.

Clara walked towards the bed and kissed her daughter's forehead. Lauren groaned, but didn't wake up. Camila sat up straighter, waiting to be told something.

Mike walked into the room with a tray of food. It was Lauren's lunch. Camila and Lauren's parents hadn't been there at the moments Lauren needed to eat. Usually, one of the nurses would kick them out, only to allow them back in when Lauren had finished eating.

Mike placed the tray on the table near the bed. He gently woke Lauren up. The green eyes girl slowly woke up.

"I brought your lunch sweetie," he said, giving her a small smile.

Camila watched as Lauren's eyes shifted from the tray to her father. Lauren moved to get out of the bed. No one makes a move to help Lauren, not after what happened last time. Lauren panicked and screamed.

Lauren struggles a bit, but she was able to stand in front of her father. Everyone watches with silent breaths. Lauren's eyes are on the ground. Camila frowns, as Lauren slowly gets on her knees.

"L-Lauren?" her father questioned. Camila could hear the confusion.

Lauren looked up at her father with big eyes. She reached over and started to unbuckle his pants. Mike grabbed her hands, stopping her. He moved them away. Camila shot up, standing up.

"L-Lauren! Wh-what are you doing?" her father asked, a shake in his voice. He took a step away from his daughter and fixed his pants.

The girl in question frowned. "I-I have to thank you."

Camila looked at Mike, seeing the man pale. "No, you don't."

"Bu-but the other man," Lauren whispered, her eyes shifting back to the ground. Camila could see the frown on the girl's face.

"Other man?" Clara asked, tears in her eyes.

"The man who feeds me. I-I thank him. H-he accepts it. He taught me. He told me I don't have to eat. I should thank you for food. I-I'm sorry."

Mike clenched his fists. His body shook with anger. Camila didn't know what to do. She watched as Mike stormed out. Camila quickly shifted her attention to the girl on the ground. Lauren was pulling at her own hair, and it looked like it hurt. Camila rushed forward and tried to get her to let go.

"What are you doing?" Camila questioned, trying to soothe her.

"I was bad. I need to be punished. I have to punish myself," she heard Lauren say. Camila looked at the girl and realized she wasn't speaking to her. She was just talking, as she slammed her palms to her head. Camila grabbed her hands to stop her.

"No, Lauren, stop," Camila said.

"Not Lauren!" the girl shouted, shaking her head. She shook it. Camila needed to do something. She had to stop the girl. She reached over and placed her hands on either side of Lauren's head, stopping her.

Lauren stared at Camila. Her green eyes locked with her brown eyes.

"Okay, you aren't Lauren. You have to calm down. You didn't do anything bad. You don't have to be punished. Let's just get you back in bed and eat, okay?" Camila said as if she was talking to a child.

Lauren frowned. She made no movement. She blinked a few times before nodded. Camila helped her sit back down on the bed and helped her eat the food.

"You don't have to thank people like that anymore, okay?" Camila told the older girl, who was eating quietly.

Lauren looked over at Camila, a look in her eyes. For a second, Camila thought Lauren was going to remember. But she didn't. What Lauren asked destroyed Camila.

"Are you my new Master?"

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Dinah and the other three girls stayed home. They had told Camila they had something to do, but they just couldn't see Lauren, not like she was. Dinah was on the couch, the television on. The other two girls were in their rooms, wanting to be alone.

The doorknob started to shake. Dinah frowned. It was as if someone was someone was having a hard time opening it. Dinah stood up and slowly walked over to it. She didn't want to open it. She was scared. They never trusted anyone after Lauren's kidnapping. And even though she was partially back, the fear never went away.

Dinah placed her ear against the door. She could hear muttered curses through the door. The muffled voice sounded familiar. Dinah took a chance and opened the door.

The second it opened, Dinah's senses were attacked by the stench of alcohol. She frowned, seeing Camila standing there. Well, she wasn't standing there. She was leaning against the wall, too drunk to stand on her own two feet. Dinah rushed forward and helped the girl into house. She shouted for her friends, who rushed to the living room.

Dinah sat Camila on a chair. Normani quickly grabbed a glass of water and helped the drunk girl drink some of the water.

"Camila, what happened?" Ally asked, confused as everyone else was. The last time they saw Camila, she had told them she was visiting Lauren. They wondered what had happened to cause the girl to come home drunk.

Camila laughed bitterly. "Lauren thinks I'm her new master."

No one answered.

"I tried to help her and now she thinks I own her. It's funny, right? I love her, and I can't help her."

"Camila," Dinah whispered, but Camila continued as if no one said anything.

"You know, Lauren wanted to thank her father for giving her food. You know what she did? She got on her knees. She got on her  _fucking_  knees to thank him. And when she couldn't, she had to punish herself!" Camila stood up, stumbling. Normani and Dinah both reached for her to keep her from falling. Camila didn't let it deter her, as she cried. "You want to know the worst part? Lauren's nurse, her male nurse had been accepting these  _thank yous_. He let her get on her knees for him, just for doing his damn job! Instead of helping her, he was worried about the damn  _blowjobs_  Lauren was giving!"

Dinah wrapped his arms around the girl, pulling her close. She could see that the girl was taking it horribly.

"Shh," Dinah tried to sooth, rubbing the girl's shoulder. She pulled her to the living room. She made Camila curl up next to her and tried to calm the girl down. It didn't take long before Camila fell asleep.

Ally and Normani sat on another couch. They didn't say anything until Camila was asleep.

"This isn't just about Lauren anymore. Camila is spiralling," Dinah commented, staring at the sleeping girl.

"Do you think we can help her, them?" Ally questioned, her eyes on the ground. "What Camila told us, we know nothing. We'll never know how it feels. She's not the same."

"We have to keep trying. Lauren is our sister. She is a part of our family. We may not know what she went through, but we can help her get passed it," Normani whispered.

"Camila is going to feel like crap in the morning."

"She's going to feel like crap either way. Lauren is going home today right?"

Dinah nodded. "Yeah. She's going with her parents. They want to see if that works. If not, she might come live with us."

"Do you think that's a good idea? I love Lauren, but shouldn't she stay at her parents'?"

"I don't think it matters. She has to stay somewhere she feels safe. Maybe it should be somewhere with all females. Maybe her house will help her. From what we know, her father isn't her father anymore, it in her eyes," Dinah said.

Normani smiled. "When did you get all smart?"

"Since Camila needed someone to take care of her."

"I just hope it all works out," Ally whispered, looked at the sleeping girl.

"We just gotta hope. Hope for the best."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime_   _in Late 2016_

He stood in front of her. A plate of food on his hand. She could hear her stomach cry for food. She doesn't even remember the last time she ate. Her stomach grumbles louder at the scent of the food. It wasn't even a lot, but it was something.

"Do you want it?" he asked, showing her a food.

She nodded her head. She made no movement to grab it. She had learned that the hard way. Her face still stung from the slap he gave her.

He walked closer to her. "You'll have to ask for it."

"P-please," she asked, her mouth dry.

He shook his head. "That was not what I told you. You know better than that. Again, ask for it."

She crawled over to him. She looked at him with tear-filled eyes. She slowly unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down. Her hand shook as she pulled his boxers down. Her tears streamed down her face as she  _thanked_ him.

It didn't take long for him to finish. He gripped her hair, holding her in place as she struggled to breathe. He let her go and ordered her to dress him back.

"You ate already," he said, humor in his voice. Her eyes filled with tears, thinking about not having food for another day. "But I'm feeling nice." He extended his hand and let the plate drop to the ground. He grabbed her hair and pulled her up to her feet. "You're not done yet."

He pushed her head so their lips connected. She closed her eyes wishing it was over.

He pulled away. "Like you mean it," he growled, going for another kiss. This time she did kiss him back.

She kissed him like he hadn't hurt her. She kissed him like they were together.  
She kissed him like she loved him.

He released her and pointed to the food. "Eat."

She dropped the ground and ate what she could. She could hear his laughs as she used her hands to eat off the ground. Tears streamed down her face as she accepted that that was her life.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

_Take me all._

_Thank me._

_Punish yourself._

Lauren stared at nothing. She said nothing.

_Punish yourself._

Lauren tightened her firsts.

_You can't even thank me right._

Lauren clenched her teeth as tears welled up in her eyes.

_Punish. Punish.  PUNISH._

"We're home."

Lauren looked up at the unfamiliar place. She blinked a few times.

_Home. Was she?_

 


	4. Part 4: Home Will Always Be With Me

 

Camila's head pounded before she fully woke up. She could feel her stomach disagree with the fact that she was awake.

She turned, falling off the bed. She groaned, but got onto her hands and knees and started to crawl to the restroom.

She let herself get sick. Once she was done, she leaned back against the wall. She felt someone gently pat her forehead with a wet towel. She looked up to see Dinah leaning over her.

"How do you feel?" she whispered, moving to sit next to her.

"Like I'm dying."

Dinah let out a small laugh. She bumped into Camila. "You know, you're not alone right? Ally, Normani and I are here for you. If it ever gets too much for you, we'd want to know. You don't have to get drunk to forget about it."

Camila sighed. "I know. I just, what I learned, I couldn't deal with it. She's our best friend, but we couldn't even protect her. We can't even  _help_  her right now."

"We have to learn," Dinah whispered. "Lauren,  _our_  Lauren, she's in there somewhere. We just have to show her that it's okay to be that Lauren again. We have to show her that she can trust us. We have to remind her who she is and who we are to her."

"When did you get so smart?"

Dinah shrugged. "It's a mystery to al. But brush your teeth. We'll have a small breakfast and then you can have a your medicine."

Camila nodded. Dinah helped her stand up. Camila waited until Dinah was gone to move to the front of the mirror. She stared at herself, really looked at herself. She didn't really recognize who she was. She knew she lost who she was years ago.

Lauren wasn't the only who needed to find herself. She had to find the person she was, she had to figure out the person she was going to be.

Camila turned on the water. She slowly brushed her teeth, wondering how Lauren's first day home was going.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

The door was closed.

_It was closed._

_It was locked._

_That was not good._

_It needed to be opened._

_It was closed._

_Closed. Closed. Closed._

_Punish. Punish. Punish._

She was going to be punished. She couldn't be punished. She didn't close the door. She didn't want the door closed.  _They_  closed it. It wasn't her fault.

Rocking.

_Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth._

_Closed. Closed. Closed._

She pushed herself off the bed. She slowly walked to the door. She tried not to make any noise. Just as she got close enough, the door swung open. She jumped back, landing on the ground. She covered her face with her hands.

"I didn't close it! Slave good! I didn't close it! Please."

A gasp. She looked at the person through her hands. She could see her "mother" standing in front of there.

"I'm not going to hurt you Lauren. You're okay sweetie," the lady said.

"I'll be good," she responded. She looked up at her. "I-I'll do anything."

The other lady sighed, and shook her head. "No, Lauren, it's okay."

The girl didn't listen.

"We, we just wanted to know if you wanted to have breakfast with us," the lady asked.

Was it a trap? It could be a trap. She didn't  _know_  these people, and they could hurt her. But if she said no, they'd get mad. And she had to keep them happy.

Lauren nodded and stood up. She followed the lady out of the room to the kitchen. There she saw three other people. They all stared at her as she entered. Lauren didn't like the staring, but she knew she could do nothing about it.

"Do you want cereal?" Clara asked, taking Lauren out of her thoughts.

She nodded. She watched as the lady prepared the bowl and placed it on the table. Lauren frowned. "I-I can sit?"

Clara nodded. "Yes sweetie. You don't have to ask."

Lauren slowly moved to sit. She was in-between the man and boy. She could feel herself tremble, as she didn't know what to do. Clara moved to sit in front of her.

Lauren looked around. She saw everyone eating in silence. She slowly reached for the spoon. She slowly ate, not wanting to make anyone angry.

The cereal, it was amazing. And it had taste. It was different from when she was with  _him_. He'd just give her scraps, or bland food. Sometimes, most of the time, she'd have to off the ground. She didn't like that. But she needed to eat.

A scraping sound took Lauren out of her thoughts. She jumped, knocking the bowl. The wet cereal fell all over the table and the ground. The people on either side of her jumped up.

" _Fuck_!"

Lauren heard it. She froze, her eyes wide. They were mad.

"I-I'm sorry." Lauren looked at the boy, who had cereal all over his pants. "I-I didn't, I didn't mean it. I, you can punish me."

Quickly, before anyone could do anything about it, she unbuckled the boy's belt, took it off, and placed it on his hand. She then moved onto her hands and knees and waited.

She heard the  _clank_  of the belt hitting the ground. She looked up, to see everyone staring at her with tears on their eyes. She looked up at the boy, to see a look of horror on his face.

"You, you're not going to punish me?"

The boy shook his head. "I'm your brother, Lauren."

"I was bad. I deserve to be hit. He, he said that if I'm bad, if I'm bad I should get hit," Lauren stuttered, confused.

"No, I'm not going to punish you."

"But you're my new Masters."

The boy turned and stormed out the room. Lauren felt her blood run cold. She turned to the other man in the room. "I-I didn't," Lauren tried, but couldn't. She knew her punishment was going to get worse. She deserved it.

"No, you didn't do anything bad."

Lauren felt like crying. She was confused.

_Why weren't they punishing her?_

_He'd punish her._

_He'd make her scream until she couldn't scream anymore._

"D-do I have to thank you?" she asked, still on her knees. Her eyes moved from the man's face to his zipper.

"No. You don't have to thank anyone anymore. Especially me."

Lauren was confused. She was just confused. That was not what he told her.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Ally answered the phone when she saw that no one was going to answer. Dinah, Normani, and Camila were all watching television. 

" _Ally? It's Clara,_ " she heard. Ally felt worry. She knew Lauren was home. And if Clara was calling, it couldn't have been good.

"Is everything okay? Is Lauren okay?" That question got everyone's attention. The other three girls paused the television and turning their attention to the phone call.

" _I was wondering if you girls could come to the house?"_

Ally nodded, before remembering that Clara couldn't see her. "Yes, we'll be there"

" _Thank you_."

After hanging up, she turned to the other girls. "Clara wants us at her house. I think something happened."

The three girls nodded. Normani and Dinah left to get their things. Camila sat on the couch, an unreadable look on her face.

"Do you think something is wrong?" Camila asked, her voice cracking.

Ally shrugged. "I don't really know. We'll find out soon enough."

Camila nodded, and went to the car. They made it to the Jauregui's in no time.

Once inside, Dinah was the first to talk. "Is Lauren okay?"

"She can't stay here. She needs a place with no males," Clara said, breaking Ally's heart. She turned to the girl was was curled up in the corner of the room. She was watching everyone.

"So you think it'll be a good idea for her to stay with us?" Normani questioned.

Ally knew what was going through the girl's head. She'd love for Lauren to stay with them. She missed her those three years. But Lauren needed help. She needed a lot of help, and she wasn't sure they were the ones to help them. Hell, they could barely help Camila, and the girl hadn't been tortured for three years. Ally shuddered at the thought. She looked back to Lauren, and made eye contact with the girl.

"You were close before she was taken. It's been a few hours, but the entire time she was here, she has tried to  _thank_  Chris three times. She's waiting for Mike to punish her. She's okay with Taylor, but it's not good right now."

Ally sighed, cutting the eye contact. "It's bad?"

"She doesn't know who we are."

"She can stay with us," Camila answered, having been quiet the whole time.

Clara looked relieved. "Thank you. I don't think having contact with males this early on is good. Maybe you girls can remind her who she is."

Ally nodded her head. "We're going to do the best we can." She turned back to Lauren, who was frowning. Ally could just hope.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Camila stared, as Lauren looked around. Camila hoped the change helped. She hoped it could bring Lauren back.

Lauren stopped in front of picture. Camila looked at it, a smile on her face. The picture was of the five. It was taken shortly after making it to the live shows in the X-Factor. Camila's eyes shifted to Lauren, who had a frown on her face. She wondered what was going through the green-eyed girl's head.

Lauren moved on from the picture. She just went to look at the other things around the house. Camila followed close behind. Once everything was looked over, she turned to look at Camila. Her eyes quickly moved onto the ground.

Camila stared, smiling softly. "Want to see your room?"

Lauren nodded, timidly.

Camila signaled for the girl to follow her as she lead her to the bedroom. It was mostly bare. There was a bed, curtains, a few pieces of furniture, and a few pictures, but other than that, it was empty. They had wanted Lauren to fix it up herself.

Lauren moved into the room. She ran her hand through the covers. She looked at Camila, before grabbing the thinnest blanket on the bed. She covered her body with it and walked to the empty corner. She moved to sit on the ground, curling up.

"Y-you have a bed," Camila said, confused about what Lauren did. She moved closer to the damaged girl. "You can sleep on the bed."

Lauren shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Beds are for Masters. Slaves get floors," Lauren said, not looking at Camila.

"You're not a slave. The bed is for  _you_."

Lauren shook her head. She curled up into a smaller ball.

Camila sighed. She wished she could help Lauren. She wished she could make Lauren forget the last three years and be her old self. But it seemed like there was no way it could happen.

"This is your home Lauren. I wish you'd see that."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in Mid-2018_

She sighed deeply as she tugged the thin blanket. She slowly opened her eyes to see the dark room. She yawned and sat up. The door opened and  _he_  came in. He had a grin on his face.

"I think I'm going to be nice and let you go home," he said, leaving the door opened.

She looked from the door to him, not sure what to think. She bit her lip, as she sat up. She covered herself with her blanket.

"Well, don't you want to go?" he asked, something in his tone.

She slowly walked towards him. She kept her eyes to the ground, her head bowed. She stopped when she stood in front of him.

It was silent for a second. Neither of them moved. She suddenly dropped to her knees and looked up at him. He grinned and crouched down in front of her.

"You made the right choice. I wasn't going to let you leave if you chose that. Your home will always be with me."

He leaned over and pressed his lips against her cheek. She flinched, but relaxed when he didn't hurt her.

"Let's go have breakfast Slave," he said, signaling for the door.

"Yes Master." She stood up and walked out the room. It was her fate. That was her home. That was the best it was going to get.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren stared at the lump on the bed.  _Camila_  had stayed with her since arriving. She just talked to Lauren. She told her stories that confused her because she didn't remember them. But they were brought comfort.

Lauren pushed herself up, to get a better look at Camila. The girl had fallen asleep, and it looked uncomfortable. She knew that Camila would be in pain if she continued to sleep in that position.

Lauren slowly moved to the bed and tried to make Camila as comfortable as she could. She made sure Camila was under the blankets and the pillows were fluffed. She turned to go back to her sleeping spot when she heard Camila.

"Stay with me," she slurred, half-awake.

Lauren felt conflicted. She wasn't allowed to sleep on the bed, but Camila wanted her to stay. She had to make the girl happy, no matter what she felt. She sighed, and moved to lie down on top of the blankets.

Camila moved so she was on her side and pushed the blankets lower. "I missed you. I love you Lauren," Camila whispered, before falling asleep. Her arm curled on Lauren.

The green-eyed girl didn't know what to think.  _He_  never did that. He'd just  _fuck_  her and then tell her to go back to her "bed" _._ Not once did he hold her in such a way.

She looked at Camila's face, feeling something. She felt some familiarity. She frowned, wondering. Had he been right? Had her home only been with him? Because being in Camila's arms, she had liked that feeling.

Maybe Camila wouldn't hurt her like he did. Maybe Camila would be a better Master.

Lauren fell asleep in Camila's arms, many thoughts running through her head, wondering what was going to happen.

 


	5. Part 5: Punish Yourself

****Camila opened her eyes. She groaned, not sure where she was, but felt her body being pushed onto the mattress. She looked down to see a head of dark hair. Camila had fallen asleep, on the bed, alone. Sometime during the night, Lauren had gotten on the bed with Camila. It made the girl smile.

She smiled softly, seeing that Lauren had slept on the bed. She had been comfortable enough to sleep on the bed, and that alone made Camila slightly happy. It was like taking a step forward.

Lauren was sleeping comfortably. She looked like the old Lauren. Her face was relaxed. She didn't look like she had lived through hell for years. She looked like Camila's Lauren.

Camila tried not to move. She didn't want to wake Lauren up. She turned to look at the ceiling above her. She closed her eyes, slowly falling back to sleep.

=

" _No, no, no_ ," she heard. She slowly opened her eyes. She sat up, before realizing nothing was holding her body down. She looked around to see Lauren back at the corner.

Lauren was curled up at the corner of the room. Her eyes were closed, and she was rocking herself. Her hands were tangled in her hair. Lauren seemed to be trembling.

Camila stood up and walked to the girl. Lauren seemed to have sense the movement, because she made herself smaller.

"Lauren?" Camila whispered, crouching down in front of the girl.

" _No_ ," Lauren whispered. The girl seemed to be panicking. She rocked faster.

"Lauren, it's okay," Camila tried, touching the girl. But the second her hand touched Lauren's shoulder, the girl jumped and tried to get away.

" _No! Bad slave. Punish._ "

Camila frowned, not liking what she heard. She could also hear the ragged breathing coming from Lauren. It worried Camila. "Lo?"

Lauren stopped rocking herself.

"Lo, it's okay. You are okay," Camila whispered, watching as Lauren slowly uncurled herself, opening her eyes. Camila stared into the green eyes. "Lo?"

Lauren blinked. "P-punish me?"

"I am not going to do that. I am not your master. You are not my slave. We are Camila and Lauren. We are Lo and Camz," Camila said softly. She could feel the tears in her eyes.

"C-Camz?"

Camila smiled. "Yes, Camz. You call me Camz, I'm your Camz."

"Camz."

Camila grinned. She nodded her head. "Let's go get some food, and you don't have to thank anyone."

Lauren stared at Camila. She slowly nodded her head. "O-okay Camz."

The younger girl smiled and took Lauren's hand. She led the girl to the kitchen. When they entered, they saw the other three girls sitting around the dinner table. Camila felt Lauren freeze behind her.

Camila turned around and looked at the taller girl. "It's okay Lo. They aren't going to hurt you. They aren't going to punish you. They are your friends. They  _love_  you, okay?"

"Okay Camz," Lauren whispered, looking at the people behind Camila.

The brown-eyed girl nodded and lead Lauren to the table. She made the girl sit down. She saw that Ally had made pancakes. Once at the table, she started to eat. She looked over to see Lauren staring at the pancakes. Camila reached over and grabbed the green-eyed girl's hand.

"You can eat," Camila whispered, giving her a smile.

Lauren nodded her head. "Okay Camz."

Camila heard gasps. She looked at her friends to see their wide eyes. The Mexican-Cuban girl gave them a small smile. She turned to look at Lauren who was slowly eating. Camila went back to her food, not even thinking of releasing Lauren's hand.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Breakfast went by with no problem. Many things were running through Lauren's head. She didn't know what to think. These women were being nice to her. They let her eat as much as she could. She was allowed to sleep on the bed. She was able to call her Master, Camz. It was all so confusing.

Lauren didn't know what she had to do. She didn't know if she was pleasing anyone or they were mad at her. She didn't know what they wanted from her. She didn't know. And not knowing scared her. When she didn't know about  _him_ , she'd get hurt. She always had to know. She couldn't be blinded.

Lauren had to be ahead of them. She looked at the room. She had to see what she could find. Anything that could help. She opened drawers, she opened the closet door, nothing. She bit her lip, tears welling up in her eyes.

_You have to do it before they do._

_They will be worse if you don't do it yourself._

Lauren held back the sob. She ran her hand through her hair. She gripped a handful of hair and yanked, feeling the pain run through her scalp.

_It's not enough you idiot._

Lauren whined, knowing her head was right.  _He_  always want to see the marks left behind by her punishments. She moved to her corner and curled up. She had to think. She had to find a way. There had to be a way.

_**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** _

_Sometime in Early 2017_

He stood in front of her. She was curled up on the ground, staring up at him. Fear in her eyes.

"Do you like embarrassing me?" he snapped, glaring at her.

She shook her head. She hadn't meant it. It had been an accident.

"You're  _stupidity_  caused me this deal! Everything I worked for is gone because you couldn't walk like a  _fucking_  person!"

"S-slave's sorry Master," she whispered.

"We'll you are not a good Slave. You know what happens to bad Slaves?"

"Th-they get punished. Master punishes useless Slave."

He laughed. "Yes. They get punished. But I am not going to punish you."

Her eyes filled with hope. Maybe she was going to be okay.

"No, you are going to crawl to the kitchen and clean everything  _you_  fucked up. You'll have to use your own hands."

"B-but Master, glass-"

"Are you questioning me?! You are going to do it on your knees and work from the middle of the mess and make your way out. And when you are done, you are going to crawl back in here. I will be waiting."

She nodded slowly. She started to stand, when he pushed her back. "What did I say?  _Knees_."

She got to her knees and crawled to the kitchen to clean the mess she made.

=

She crawled back to the room, small pieces of glass digging into her knees. Her palms were covered in blood, her own blood. She wanted to clean herself up, but she didn't want to anger her master.

She entered the room to see her master with a razor and belt in each hand. He smiled when he saw her enter.

"That took longer than I thought. Now, I said I wasn't going to punish you, but you do need to be punished," he told her, a sadistic smile on his face.

She felt herself shake in fear of what was going to happen.

"So here is what I decided. You are going to punish yourself. Isn't that smart? That way I don't have to hurt you." He laughed as he placed the belt and razor down. He turned to her. "You can choose any of these to punish yourself with. I wouldn't choose the belt, because it's harder to work with and if I don't like what you did, I will punish you, and you won't like that."

She stared at the items. He moved to stand in front of her. She looked up to look at his face. "Y-yes Master."

"And when you are done, I have something I need your help with," he said, grinning. He moved out of her way and left the room.

She turned back to the items. She stood up, wincing as the glass dug in new places. She limped to the table where the items were. She slowly reached over and grabbed the razor. She took a deep breath as she pressed it against her arm. She let out a gasp as the skin broke under the pressure. She bit her lip as she slid it, breaking skin along the way. Tears ran down her eyes as she continued to punish herself.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren looked down at the cuts on her arms. No one told her anything about them. They all assumed  _he_  had done them. They didn't know that those were her own punishments. It took a while, she started to feel like she had to be punished. And she knew at that moment, she had to be punished. She had slept on the bed. She had slept on the bed with her new Master.

_Punish yourself._

_You deserve it._

_She's not going to punish you._

_You have to do it._

_She's your master now._

It didn't matter what  _she_  said. She was her new master. And nothing  _she_  said would change that. Lauren knew the truth. And  _he_  had even told her. He told her she was never going to be without a master. And thus far it had been true. After  _him_ , her next master was the nurse at the hospital. And now,  _Camz_  was her new master.

She had heard about the nurse. How he was fired from his job and being investigated for malpractice. She had heard that he had probably "used" other patients. Lauren was his last victim. Lauren didn't understand that. She wasn't his victim, she had been his slave and was just doing what she had been taught to do. She had to please him, even if she didn't like doing it.

Everything was confusing to her, but she did know she had to be punished. She had to be hurt for sleeping on the bed. She had to be hurt for not pleasing everyone. She had to be hurt because her knew master didn't  _want_  her because she was probably a bad slave. She had to be hurt for being useless. She couldn't even do her job right.

Lauren moved from her corner and tried to find something to punish herself with. Maybe if she did, her new master might be happy because Lauren took the initiative.

She headed to the restroom that was connected to "her" bedroom. She opened the drawers in there. She stopped she she saw a pair of scissors. She grabbed them and moved until the back of her legs hit the tub. She sat down and stared at the scissors. She opened it, mesmerized by how sharp it was.

She looked at her pale arm. Her old cuts had started to fade. There weren't any new ones. He had taken to punishing her during the last few months of their "relationship." She hadn't had to punish herself, which made her unstable during those months.

She pressed the sharp end against her arm. She bit her lip as she pressed harder, feeling it cut her skin. She whimpered as she slid it against her skin. She sighed, as she felt the relief.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Camila smiled as she looked down at the bowl of ice cream. She was glad with the progress she was making with Lauren. The girl now knew that was okay. She knew that she was no longer a slave and that Camila was not her master. It made her happy.

Camila knocked on the door. When she received no answer, she assumed Lauren was asleep. She opened the door, but it was empty. She placed the bowl on the table next to the door. She walked into the room and looked around, trying to find the other girl. She walked towards the bathroom, hearing whimpers coming from there. Her heart was pounding as she wondered what Lauren was doing in the restroom.

Camila pushed the door so it opened wider. What she saw made her feel sick to her stomach.

Lauren was sitting on the ground, bloody scissors at hand. Her arms were covered in blood. Camila felt breakfast fight out of her stomach. She turned and released it all into the toilet.

Camila flushed it, and turned. She could taste the acid in her mouth, but at the moment,  _that_  was not important. Camila quickly got a towel and crouched down in front of Lauren. She grabbed the scissors from the girl's hands, her own hand gripping the sharp end. She pulled it out of Lauren's grip. The younger girl winces as the scissors ran across her palm, leaving a cut behind. She tossed the scissors into the room and then pressed the towel against Lauren's arm.

"What did you do?" Camila asked, looking up at Lauren.

"Punishment," Lauren said, a small frown on her face.

Camila shook her head. "No, y-you, no."

"Punish myself so Camz doesn't. Master did that," Lauren said, as if it was obvious.

This time, Camila didn't make it to the toilet. She threw up all over the ground.

"Camz not happy?"

Camila shook her head. "I  _am_   _not_  your master Lauren. You don't have to punish yourself. You don't have to please us. You have to be Lauren."

"Be Lauren makes Camz happy?"

Camila started to cry. She just couldn't anymore. Lauren wasn't understanding.

"Lauren, that man hurt you. I know you're still there. You have to come back to me. Please," Camila cried, staring into the girl's green eyes.

"Camz?"

Camila let out a sob. She shook her head. "It's Camila. I am your friend. I am not Camz, not anymore."

"Camila," Lauren whispered, frowning.

The girl nodded.  _Camz_  had always been special. No one ever called her that except Lauren. It was their special thing. It was their thing. But now, it was tainted.  _Camz_  now meant  _Master_  to Lauren. Camila now  _hated_  that name. She never wanted to hear it, never again.

Camila moved so she could hug Lauren.

"We're going to bring you back. I promise."

Lauren didn't respond. Camila closed her eyes.

 _Camz_  was dead.  _Camz_ was never going to come back. She couldn't.  _Camz_  was gone.

 


	6. Part 6: You Can Never Escape Me

A few days had passed. The other girls were told about Lauren's "punishment." They were being vigil, making sure Lauren didn't hurt herself again. Lauren hadn't been alone since that day. Anywhere she went, one of the other girls went. They had locked any sharp items into a special drawer. Lauren wasn't even allowed into the kitchen.

Camila had received a phone call from Lauren's parents, telling her that Lauren's first therapy session was coming up. They said that they had alerted the doctor that Camila was going to be there with Lauren.

Camila looked at Lauren, who was asleep on the ground. Lauren hadn't slept on the bed since that first night. Camila had tried to get her to sleep on the ground, but the younger girl said she wasn't allowed to sleep on the bed. She had to punish herself because she had. Lauren had been sleeping on the corner of the room, with just a blanket.

Camila stared at her. Lauren's eyes used to shine so much, and told so many emotions. Her hair was black and shiny, and her skin, white but healthy. But after finding her again, her eyes were dull and only held pain. Her hair had gone back to it's natural color, but no longer shined. Her skin was pale white from the lack of sun. She was skinny, not having eaten as much as she was supposed to.

Camila wanted to get her help. She wanted to show her that it was okay to sleep on the bed. That it was okay to ask for things. That it was okay to be in control of her own life.

But she knew it wasn't going to help. Lauren wasn't going to believe her. And if Lauren didn't believe her, nothing Camila said was going to change anything for Lauren.

Camila just sighed, staring at the girl. She had liked Lauren for years. And having her gone just made things worse for her.

Camila laid back and stared at the ceiling. There were many things running through her head, and she didn't know what she had to do to protect Lauren. The other girl needed the protecting.

=

Camila opened her eyes. She frowned, not remembering when she had fallen asleep. She sat up, and looked around. She looked at the corner, where green eyes stared at her.

Lauren was curled up, her arms around her legs, staring at Camila.

The younger cuban stood up and slowly walked to the other girl. "Hey, are you hungry?"

Lauren looked to the ground.

"Let's go get something to eat? We're going out somewhere," Camila whispered, crouching down in front of the other girl.

Lauren nodded again. She pushed herself up. Camila moved back and watched as Lauren placed her hands behind her back and stared at the ground. Camila reached over and gently touched the girl's arm, but the green eyed girl flinched.

"You're safe. We are going to the kitchen, okay?" Camila said softly, a small smile on her face. She extended her hand.

Lauren looked down at the hand and then at Camila. The younger girl just stared, and her smile grew when the older girl reached for her hand. Camila squeezed her hand and led her to the kitchen.

Everyone else quieted down upon seeing the two cubans walked in.

"Are you hungry?" Ally asked. Camila looked over and led Lauren to the table.

"Y-yes," Lauren whispered, staring at the table.

Ally nodded and got the pancakes ready. Camila moved to prepare her own lunch, but Ally shook her head. She gave the older girl a small smile. She looked over to look at Lauren, who was rubbing her hands against her sweats. Camila had noticed Lauren doing that more often.

Camila reached over and stopped the other girl. Lauren froze.

"It's okay," Camila said, intertwining their fingers.

Lauren stared at Camila. Eyes connected. Green with brown. Camila smiled upon seeing a tiny spark in her eyes. Camila smiled.

_BANG!_

It happened so fast. One second Lauren was standing next to her, the next she was huddled under the table.

Dinah, Normani, and Ally stood, frozen, pots and pan on the ground. The look on their faces said everything.

Camila stood up and crouched down in front of the scared girl.

Lauren had her eyes closed, her hands over her ears. "I'm sorry. Sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry. P-please."

"Lo, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Camila whispered, watching as Lauren trembled. "Breathe, please."

Lauren shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Camila scooted closer. She stayed on her knees. She took a deep breath.

 _If you're lonely_  
And need a friend  
And troubles seem like  
They never end  
Just remember to keep the faith  
And love will be there to light the way

Camila smiled, remembering her X-Factor days and her early friendship with the girl she was singing to. She could remember it clearly. She just hoped the other girl could too.

Lauren had stopped shaking, but hadn't removed her hands from her ears or opened her eyes. Camila continued to sing, three more voices harmonizing with her.

 _Anytime you need a friend_  
I will be here  
You'll never be alone again  
So don't you fear  
Even if you're miles away  
I'm by your side  
So don't you ever be lonely  
Love will make it alright

Lauren slowly opened her eyes and stared at Camila.

"C-Cami?"

Camila let out a small laugh. "Yeah. Lo, you're here with us. It's okay. How about you get out from under there and we eat?"

Lauren slowly nodded her eyes. Her eyes shifting back to the ground.

Camila grabbed her hand and moved her back to the the chair. The other girls placed the plates and cups on the table. They all sat down and ate. Lauren slowly ate, tensed.

Camila worried, but she liked how Lauren hadn't released her hand. They held hands as they ate their breakfast.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren rubbed her hands against her jeans. She looked around the room, staring at all the frames. She avoided the women in front of her and the one next to her. She rubbed her jeans harder, feeling the warmth against her palms.

"Lo?" Camila whispered, placing her hand over her own.

Lauren looked down at their connected hands. Lauren looked up at Camila and frowned.

Lauren was confused. She didn't like it. She hadn't been punished, and she was waiting for the moment Camila snapped. She moved her hand away from Camila and looked at the woman sitting in front of her.

Her therapist had started talking to her already. And Lauren didn't enjoy it. It sounded like the woman knew what Lauren had gone through. She didn't like how the lady sounded, so condescending.

Lauren started to rub her hand against her jeans.

_You're mine._

"Lauren?"

_You'll always be mine._

Rubbing faster.

_I'll always be with you._

"Lo?"

_You are MY slave._

Faster.

_You'll never escape._

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in Late 2018_

She kept her eyes on the ground. She was on her knees, her hands behind her back. She could hear him walking around her. She kept her eyes on the crack on the floor. She counted each point for what seemed the seventh hundredth time.

"Perfect," he said. She could hear the smirk on his face. She made no movement. She started counting again.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked, stopping in front of her. His foot on top of the crack.

"Whatever you want Master," she responded, his eyes moving up and stopping at his crotch.

He crouched down, so they were face to face. She shifted her eyes so she wasn't looking into his eyes. She wasn't worthy of eye-contact, not unless she was being punished or pleasing him. She had learned that the hard way.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How to please you Master."

He chuckled.

He placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head up. "Look at me Slave," he said.

Lauren looked into his eyes.

"You can never escape me. Even if you so happen to leave this place, I will always be there."

Lauren nodded her head.

He raised his hand and brought it down to her face.

Her head snapped, as a throbbing in her face started. She could feel tears in her eyes. No matter how many times that happened, she never got used to it.

He reached out and grabbed a handful of hair. He yanked it down, exposing her neck.

"Yes  _what_?" he asked, a growl in his voice.

"Yes Master. I'm sorry Master. I'll never escape you Master."

He released her hair. She bit her lip to stop herself from crying. She stared at the ground. He stood up and unzipped his pants.

"Get to work Slave."

"Yes Master," she said, with no emotion in her voice. She reached over.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren shook her head. She started to rock herself. "Ms. Jauregui, I can't help you if you won't talk."

"Give her a second," Camila snapped, rubbing Lauren's back.

The girl in question clenched her eyes shut. She rocked harder. "'m sorry."

"No, you're doing fine Lauren."

She heard a loud sigh. Lauren could feel the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I-I'm trying." She took a deep breath, but it was hard. She felt like something was pushing down at her chest. She couldn't breath anymore. Her hands started to tremble. She shook her head. "'m sorry."

She felt herself be pulled. She was on someone's lap. Camila's lap. The younger girl started to slowly rock both of them. Her hands were intertwined with Camila's fingers.

 _I'm not gonna leave you now_  
Oh, I know it's gon' get better  
I'm not gonna leave you now  
Oh, I know it's gon' get better  
  
I won't leave you for a money man  
No matter what we go through  
I'm not gonna leave you now  
Oh, I know it's gon' get better

Lauren felt herself calm down upon hearing her voice. Camila continued to sing. Lauren's eyes started to get heavy. Lauren blinked, trying to keep her eyes opened, But every time she blinked, it got harder to open her eyes.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Dinah placed the girl down on the bed. She watched as Camila covered the girl's body with a blanket and kiss her forehead. She followed the Cuban-Mexican girl to the living room. The dark haired girl grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it against the wall.

"I'm going to kill her. I swear I'm going to kill her," Camila threatened, her body shaking with anger.

"What happened?" Normani asked, standing up. She walked over and wrapped her arm around the shorter girl.

"She pushed Lauren. She just pushed and pushed. She didn't care that Lauren was on the verge of a panic attack. She just pushed and pushed!"

"Maybe that's how she does things," Ally suggested, shrugging.

"Well Lauren isn't like any other patients!" Camila shouted, glaring at the oldest girl.

"Hey! I get you are mad, but don't talk to Ally like that. She's trying to help," Dinah said, giving the girl a stern look.

Camila slumped, nodding her head. "I, I just, I want Lauren back." Camila broke down, crying. Normani turned the girl and hugged her close.

"We'll get her back," Normani whispered, rubbing her back.

Camila cried into her neck.

"I'm gonna call Lo's parents and see if they can get another therapist," Ally whispered, wiping the tears out of her eyes.

Dinah nodded, giving her a small smile. She looked at Normani, who was whispering words into Camila's ear.

Dinah walked out of the room to go check on Lauren. She found the other girl still asleep, not having moved. Her chest raised and fell. Sleeping, she looked like the old Lauren. But Dinah knew. She knew that the old Lauren was never going to come back. She had been too damaged. She had been too broken. And the cracks were never going to be fixed. But she hoped for a Lauren close to that. She hoped for someone to help keep them all together. She just wished for her sister back.


	7. Part 7: REd Means Keep Going

 

Lauren trembled, she looked scared. Camila watched as Lauren rocked herself on the chair, her nerves evident. Her eyes were shifting all over the place. She clenched her eyes shut.

"Hey, it's okay. If she is mean, we'll try something completely different, okay?" Camila whispered, facing her hand up.

Lauren stared at the hand. Her rocking slowed down, as she stared at Camila's hand. She slowly reached over and grabbed the hand.

"Ms. Jauregui, the Dr. Stevens is ready to see you," the receptionist called to them.

Lauren tensed up, her grip on Camila's hand tightening.

"You decide, do you want to go see if this new doctor can help you, or do you want to go home? You decide and I'll support you," Camila whispered, placed her other hand over Lauren's so it was between both hands.

"I choose," Lauren whispered, staring at the ground, her eyes vacant. "I choose."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in late 2017_

Lauren was on her knees, her eyes on the ground. She could feel him staring at her.

"So, I'll give you the choice. You can have fun with my friends, or I get to punish you. Choose one," he said, a smirk on her face.

Lauren bite her lip, as her eyes filled with tears.

She could choose to "have fun with friends" and they weren't nice.

Or she could choose to "be punished" and he didn't hold back.

Both would hurt her. Both would have damage her more.

Lauren whimpered as she felt a sudden sting on her face.

"You are taking too long. So I'm choosing for you. And I choose for both," he said, anger in his voice. He grabbed her by the chin and made her look at him.

Lauren whimpered, her eyes shifting up to look at him.

He released her chin and slapped her again.  "What did I say about eye contact?"

"I-I'm sorry Master. Eye contact is for those who deserve it and I don't. I'm just a dirty whore, a slave."

"Good," he said, stroking her hair, "now go get ready. They'll be here soon."

Lauren nodded her head, her eyes to the ground. She heard his footsteps leave and the door close. Lauren let out a breath she was holding.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

"Lauren?" Camila whispered, giving the older girl's hand a squeeze.

Lauren flinched. She yanked her hand from Camila and closed her eyes, waiting for a slap. "I-I'm sorry."

She opened it, when she received none. She turned to Camila, but never looking up at her face.

"It's okay. Do you know what you want to do?" Camila asked, the ends of her mouth turning upward.

"I-I can still choose?" Lauren asked, confused.

Anytime she took too long, her ability to chose was always taken away and she'd get something worse.

Camila slowly reached over and gently placed her hand on Lauren's. "Yes. This has to do with what  _you_  want, only  _you_  can choose."

"I can choose," Lauren whispered, a small frown on her face.

"It's your right."

"My right," Lauren repeated, a small look on her face.

"No one can control you Lo, no one."

Lauren shook her head. "No, I, no."

 _Her Master_  took control.

She never had control.

She wasn't worthy of control.

She was just a slave.

She was just a whore.

"What do you want to do? We can go home or meet this therapist? Whatever you chose, I'll support you, okay?"

Lauren bit her lip, staring at the ground. She had the choice, and her ability to pick what she wanted to do wasn't going to leave.

Maybe she had  _some_  control.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_A Few Weeks Later_

Lauren's new therapist was much better than the first one. The new one worked at Lauren's pace. She hadn't gotten into Lauren's problems and head, wanting to earn Lauren's trust. She wanted the girl to see that she wasn't there to hurt her. That she was there to help Lauren, get her better.

At the moment, they were in a session. Camila always sat in. Camila talked to Dr. Stevens about the last therapist and she'd only stop attending if Lauren's told her to stop.

"I wanted to try a little Word Association game, do you know what that means?"

Lauren shook her head. She looked at Camila's hand, before turning her sights on the ground.

"I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say whatever comes to mind. It can be either a word or a whole phrase.  Say stop, and we'll take a small break. Say red and we completely stop, okay?"

Lauren shook her head. She started to gently rock herself, muttering, "Red means keep going."

"What?"

"Red means keep going."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in Late 2016_

Lauren could feel him on top of her. She couldn't see, her eyes had been blindfolded. Her hands were tied behind her back. She could feel her hands pressed against her own bare skin. She could feel his breath on her neck, his body rocking above her owns. She could feel him thrust inside of her. She could feel her own tears streaming down the sides of her face.

She could hear his grunts, as he started to get rougher.

"Say red if you want me to stop," he muttered against her ear.

Lauren bit her lip as a particular thrust hurt her more than usual. "Red!"

He started to go faster.

"Red! Please, red!"

He wrapped his arms around her throat and pressed her against the bed. Lauren couldn't breath.

He pulled out of her and released her. She gasped, happy she could breath and he stopped.

But he turned her body so she was faced down.

"Wh-what are you doing? Red, please, red."

He laughed, leaning over her and pressed a kiss on her neck. "I love it when you beg, it's so hot."

She could feel him prepare her from behind. She knew what was to come. She tried to move away, but her tied hands and his grip on her made it impossible.

"Get ready, because this is going to be a ride," he whispered, grabbing her waist and thrusting deep inside her untouched hole.

Lauren screamed. "Red! No!  _RED!_ "

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren shook her head. "Red means keep going."

Her therapist nodded. "How about another word? Do you want to chose a word?"

Lauren looked around the room, before stopping at Camila, but not her eyes. (It had taken some work, but Lauren was slowly getting better at eye contact.)

"B-bows?" Lauren asked, a frown on her face. When she looked at Camila, she thought of bows.

"Okay, when you say bows, it'll mean stop, yeah?"

Lauren nodded her head.

"Okay, now I want you to close your eyes and clear your mind."

Lauren did as she was told. She placed her hands on her knees and took a deep breath. She nodded her head.

"The first word, red."

Lauren bit her lip, clenching her firsts. "Harder."

"Lauren."

"Slave."

"Food."

"Thank you."

"Self harm."

"Punish." Lauren's fingers ran over her cuts. She had gotten a few more self punishments in, but Camila was always there to fix them.

"Girls."

A small smile appeared on her face. "Music."

"Fifth."

"Harmony."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in Mid 2012_

Five girls were sitting around the room. Lauren had finally stopped laughing, as she looked at the four girls around her. She smiled, knowing that those girls were going to be in her life for a long time.

"We're really doing this?" Lauren asked, turning to Ally, the oldest girl in the room.

Ally nodded. "Yeah, we're doing this. We are going to come together and win this."

"We are winning this," Dinah added, a grin on her face.

"We'll be America's One Direction," Camila told everyone, laughing.

"Can you go one day without you bringing up One Direction?" Normani asked, shaking her head with a smile.

Camila smirked. "No."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren turned to look at Camila's face. The younger girl had a small smile on her face. Tears in her eyes. "Fifth Harmony?"

"We were in a girl group together," Camila whispered. She slowly reached over and grabbed Lauren's hand.

"Girl group?"

"Yeah. We toured the world. We got third place on the X-Factor. We were best friends."

"We were?"

"We were."

"Shall we continue?" Dr. Stevens asked, smiling at Lauren. The girl nodded. "Lolo."

"Camz."

Camila let out a small laugh.

"Slave."

"For sex."

"Pain."

"Deserve."

"Punish."

"Bad slave."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in late 2016_

"You are here to please me," he said, crouched down in front of Lauren.

Lauren glared at him. "Fuck you."

He laughed, shaking his head. His smile soon left, replaced with a look of rage. He reached over and grabbed Lauren's hair, pulling it back.

Lauren let out a small yelp from the pain.

"You are going to  _respect_  me," he snarled, releasing her hair.

Lauren was scared. She watched as he turned and pulled up his sleeves.

"I guess you'll have to punished," he whispered, turning back around.

One second Lauren was watching him, the next, she was hunched over, unable to breathe.

He pushed her. Lauren hit the ground and ground.

He took one step back and then kicked her, over and over again.

Lauren tried to block his kicks, let out screams as pain surged through her body.

He stopped, panting.

Lauren laid curling up on the ground, sobbing.

She heard a zipper and looked up. She saw him pull his pants down.

He groaned he noticed Lauren staring.

"Like what you see?"

Lauren looked at him with disgust.

He just laughed. "Don't worry, soon you'll love  _all_ of me."

Lauren tried to fight him, but he just over powered her and ripped her clothes off.

Lauren screamed as she punched and pushed, but nothing helped.

"Sshh, just accept your punishment. You've been a bad slave."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

"Bows! Stop, bows!" Lauren cried, shaking her head. She couldn't breath. She let Camila's hand go as she started to rock herself, trying to get air into her lungs. She couldn't think. She had never remembered that day. It was her first day.

Camila reached over and started to rub Lauren's back. "Breath, in and out."

Lauren clenched her eyes shut. She couldn't breath. She couldn't. And nothing was helping.

Camila grabbed Lauren's hand and placed it over her heart. "Copy my breathing," she whispered.

Lauren nodded. She inhaled when Camila did and exhaled together.

Once Lauren was able to breathe opened her eyes. She nodded her head.

"It's okay, we're done for the day," Dr. Stevens said, closing her book.

Lauren frowned, as she stared at the ground, her tears streaming down her face. "We're stopping?"

"You wanted to stop, so we stopped."

"Why?"

"You matter. What you want matters."

Lauren nodded her head.

"W-we can go?" Lauren asked, frowning.

Dr. Stevens nodded. "Yes. We'll continue Thursday. I think we can move into things that are harder, are you okay with that?"

"I have to," Lauren muttered.

"Lauren, you are in change here," Dr. Stevens said, giving her a small smile.

Lauren rubbed her hands together. "I-I'm in charge," she whispered to herself. That sounded to weird to her. She had never been in charge.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in mid 2018_

Lauren felt his hand stroke her cheek. She closed her eyes.

"You've been good."

"For you Master," Lauren responded, leaning against his hand.

"You'd do anything I want?"

"Yes Master. I'd do anything you say."

"I have trained you well, my Slave."

Lauren nodded, her vacant eyes staring at the ground. "This Slave is here for you Master."

He laughed. "Your boyfriend is feeling cold. I think he wants to go inside somewhere warm."

Lauren reached over and unbuttoned his pants and pulled the zipper down. Lauren pulled his pants and boxers down.

Lauren felt his hands through her hair. His groaned filled her ears as she pleased him.

Once he was finished, he made Lauren give "her boyfriend" one last kiss before pulling his boxers and pants back up. He ran his hand through her hair when she went back to her usual spot, on her usual position.

"I'll always be in charge."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren walked out, leaving Camila with the doctor.

"She's made big steps," Dr. Stevens said, giving Camila a small smile.

"She remembers things," the girl whispered, a grin on her face.

"Slowly. I think now would be good time for you and her loved ones to show her, her past. Places she's been. Things she liked. There is opening now, it may work."

Camila nodded. "Do you think she'll be back to the Lauren I knew?"

The small smile now a sad smile, the doctor shook her head. "The old Lauren will never be back. She's been through so much. But you can get a completely new Lauren that may be close to that one. You just have to keep believing."

Camila nodded. Saying her goodbye, she found Lauren standing against a wall. The girl always made herself small. It was just like any other times, but there was something different about her.

And that gave Camila hope.

 


	8. Part 8: We Weren't Fifth Harmony Without You

****Lauren was hunched over oh her chair trying to make herself small, as she watched Ally, Normani, Dinah and Camila talk and eat. It was dinner time, and they had ordered pizza. The five girls were sitting around the table, the pizza boxes in the middle of the table. Camila had given Lauren a plate with a pizza slice before getting three slice for herself.

Lauren shifted to the slice of pizza on her plate. She hadn't touched it since receiving it, not feeling hungry.

Camila let out a laugh. Lauren not having heard that sound before. She looked up to look at Camila, who was laughing at something Dinah had said.

Lauren quickly looked away when she noticed Camila looked her way.

"You're not hungry?" Camila asked, facing Lauren.

The green eyed girl shook her head. She pushed the plate away.

"Lauren, you have to eat," Camila said softly, pushing the plate back.

Lauren shook her head.

"Lauren, eat," Camila told her, her voice a little rough.

Lauren flinched and grabbed the pizza, taking a bit out of it.

She watched Camila from the corner of her eye.

"No, I, you don't have to if you don't want to," Camila said, guilt in her voice.

Lauren shook her head, as she continued to eat her pizza. It was gone in a matter of seconds.

Maybe five to seven seconds later, Lauren threw up. She had tears stream down her face as she fell to her knees and retched on the ground.

Camila shot up and went to hold Lauren's hair.

"I'm sorry," Lauren cried, "I-I didn't mean it."

"No, it was my fault," Camila whispered, "don't apologize."

Once Lauren felt she couldn't throw up any longer, she started to sob. "I'm sorry."

Camila pulled Lauren towards her so the girl's face was pressed against Camila's chest.

"It's my fault. I-I shouldn't have said it like that. I wasn't ordering you. I'll never order you. You are Lauren Jauregui. You are my friend. You  _have_  no master," Camila whispered, her hand combing through Lauren's dark hair.

Lauren didn't move. She just closed her eyes and took in Camila's scent.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Lauren, they ain't ready for this_   
_Normani, they ain't ready for this_   
_Camila, they ain't ready for this_   
_Ally, Dinah Jane, Fifth Harmony_

_Don't go and waste your precious time_   
_With all the nonsense on your mind, no_

_Don't criticize yourself no more_   
_You got a smile worth fighting for_

_Yeah you got everything with your perfect porcelain_   
_Ain't no one compare to it_   
_You just gotta remind yourself_

Dinah watched as Lauren as stared at the speaker, a look of confusion on her face. Dinah and Lauren had been listening to their songs,  _Better Together_ ,  _Juntos_ , and  _Reflection_. When they were finishing with the latter, they were going to move onto  _7/27_. Lauren always got this  _cute_  confusing frown whenever she heard her own voice.

"That's us," Dinah told Lauren, putting the volume up.

Lauren eyes followed her, before turning to the speaker as the song went to the chorus.

"That's us," Lauren whispered, a tiny frown on her face.

"We were one of the best girl groups in the world," Dinah told her, moving to sit on the ground next to Lauren.

The older girl nodded. "Fifth Harmony."

Dinah grinned. "Yes, we were in Fifth Harmony. We were at the top of the world."

The thought alone broke Dinah's heart. They were Fifth Harmony. They were doing great things, making great music. There were so many things they were hoping to do. But Lauren was taken before they could reach the peak of their career.

Dinah couldn't help but wonder where their career would have gone. How long they would have been together. How many albums they would have made. How many awards they could have won.

It was all wonder.

Lauren nodded her head. Dinah watched Lauren, while the girl worded the words to the song. She reached over and held her hand. Dinah quietly sang to Lauren, a smile on her face.

_That you're amazing, baby_   
_Break it down in every way_   
_Could be smiling every day_   
_You just gotta remind yourself_

_You can dance like Beyoncé_   
_You can shake like Shakira_   
_'Cause you're brave, yeah, you're fearless_   
_And you're beautiful, you're beautiful_   
_So whine like Rihanna_   
_Go and pose like Madonna_   
_'Cause you're brave, yeah, you're honest_   
_And you're beautiful, you're beautiful girl_

"Camzi sings for me too."

"She loved to sing for you."

" _He_  never sang for me," Lauren muttered, staring at nothing.

"Whenever you want, I can sing for you too."

Lauren looked down at their hands, and interlocked their fingers.

They just sat there, listening to the songs.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same_ ** **_)_ **

Ally looked at all the ingredients on the table. She reached for the bowl when she noticed she was being watched. She looked to the doorway to see Lauren standing there. The younger girl quickly looked to the ground.

"Do you want to help me?" Ally asked, her voice soft.

Lauren looked at Ally with shock.

"Come here if you want to help, if not, I won't be mad," Ally said, giving the girl a smile.

Lauren looked up at Ally, a tiny light in them.

Ally went back to putting the ingredients into the bowl. From the corner of her eye, she saw Lauren walk up to her. She looked up and smiled at the younger girl. "Want to crack the eggs? Just two."

Lauren gave her a small, slow nod. She grabbed and egg and stared at it.

Ally stopped, and looked at Lauren, who's full attention was on the egg in her hand. She watched as Lauren's eyes began to water, and her hand started to shake. Ally wasn't sure what to do. Lauren started to silently cry, cracks appearing on the egg.

"Lauren?" Ally whispered, just as the egg shattered in Lauren's hand.

The younger girl gasped, the shattered egg slipping out of her hand. "I-I-"

"Lo, it's okay. Accidents happen. How about I help you crack an egg correctly?"

"You're not mad?" Lauren asked in a small voice.

"I'll never be mad at you. C'mon, want to make cupcakes with me?"

Lauren nodded her head. She grabbed another egg and looked at Ally. When Ally gave her an encouraging smile, Lauren tapped the egg on the edge of the bowl and poured the insides into the bowl.

"Awesome, now, do another egg and we can move to the next step, which is to mix."

Lauren gave a small nod and grabbed another egg from the carton and did the same thing.

Once all the ingredients were in the bowl, Ally started to mix it while Lauren watched.

"I make the best cupcakes," Ally said, a grin on her face.

Lauren was drawing on the flour on the table. She looked up a bit, "I-I remember."

"You know, you've never had any of my baked goods. I always promised and never gave you any."

A small smile appeared on Lauren's face. "You teased a lot." Then a small frown appeared. "Teasing is bad."

Ally sighed. "No, Lo,  _he_  was wrong. Everything he taught you is wrong. And we, Dinah, Normani, Camila, your family, me, we're all going to be here to show you that. You are our Lauren, you are your Lauren, okay?"

Lauren nodded. "O-okay."

Ally looked down at the bowl. "Okay, well the mixing is done. Want to help me put it on the tray?"

Lauren walked to the table and held the tray when Ally told her to.

Once the tray was filled and was put into the oven, Ally turned to Lauren.

"And now we wait," she said, "want to go watch television?"

Lauren pointed to the mess. "B-but mess, I clean up."

"No Lo, you didn't make this mess, I did."

"But I always clean after  _him_."

"Not here. Not with us. You clean after yourself only, okay?"

"Y-yes."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Normani let out a breath, her body covered in sweat. She sat down on the closes chair and rubbed her face. She had just rehearsed a routine, and had gotten it right.

She heard a small squeal and turned. She saw Lauren, who was frozen.

"Hey Lauren," Normani said, smiling.

Lauren shook her head. "I-I'm sorry I bothered you."

Normani shook her head. "No, I was done anyways."

"O-okay," Lauren stuttered, standing there, awkwardly.

"Do you want to learn to dance?" Normani asked, standing up.

Lauren shook her head. "N-no thank you."

"Can you do me a favor?" Normani asked, not wanting Lauren to leave. She wanted Lauren to be comfortable around her.

"D-do you want me to?"

Normani gave her a small smile. "Only if you want to."

Lauren looked to the door, before back to Normani's face. "Okay."

Normani smiled and slowly reached for Lauren's hand. There she had the girl sit down and showed her the routine she had worked on.

A smile grew on Lauren's face as she watched it. When Normani was done, Lauren clapped, but quickly stopped, a blush on her face.

"I-I'm sorry," Lauren muttered, fear on her face.

Normani sighed. "It's okay. Clapping means I did great. I'm glad I did great."

"I-It was good," Lauren said, looking up at Normani.

Smiling, Normani sat on the ground next to Lauren.

"You used to call me Manibear, like how you called Mila Camz."

"Camzi doesn't want to be called Camz," Lauren muttered, rubbing her hand together.

Normani nodded. She knew what happened when Camila found Lauren bleeding out in the bathroom, and how she kept calling Camila, Camz, which Lauren had taken to mean Master. Camila had never hated a nickname more than she did that one.

But she also heard about Lauren's therapy session, the the word Lauren thought of after hearing Lolo was Camz.

Camila had been so conflicted, and had taken to alcohol to divulge her feelings to the three girls after Lauren fell asleep.

Looking at Lauren at that second, she could see how much the girl was broken. She could see the pain her eyes, the fear in them. But she could see a tiny part of the old Lauren. The part that was growing as time passed on. She just hoped they'd be able to get that part back although she knew it was impossible, because what her best friend had gone through would change anyone.

"Manibear?" Lauren whispered, looking at Normani.

"Yeah?"

"D-do you think I be who I once was?"

Normani sighed. "No. But we'll help you get close to who you were. And we'll love you."

Lauren nodded. "I-is Camzi mad at me?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I-I haven't seen her today," Lauren said, shrugging.

Normani smiled. "She wanted you to have a chance to hang out with the rest of us."

Lauren nodded. "I-I missed you."

Normani grabbed Lauren's hand. "I missed you Lo. We all missed you."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Normani placed the plate of food on the table. She looked around and saw everyone sitting around the table. Lauren seemed lighter now that she had Camila by her side.

Normani knew why. Camila had been by Lauren's side since she had been home. Camila had become Lauren's anchor.

She sat down. All of them looked to at their plates.

"Eat as much as you can, but please eat," Camila whispered, before turning to her plate.

Lauren nodded, as she grabbed a spoonful of food and shoved it in her mouth.

Smiling, the other girls started to eat their own food.

"Y-you don't sing anymore?" Lauren asked, looking at her former bandmates.

Ally shook her head. "After you disappeared, none of us felt safe. It didn't feel safe and it didn't feel right to be out there, doing what we loved without you. The fans understood. They were disappointed, but they understood. We weren't Fifth Harmony without you. The five of us were a family and without you, we were incomplete "

"I-I'm sorry iI made you give it up," Lauren whispered, putting her spoon down.

"No, it wasn't your fault. It was  _his_ ," Dinah said, reaching over and giving Lauren's hand a squeeze.

"Wh-what do you do now?"

"Well, I started a dance studio called  _LAND-C Studio_. Ally started a bakery,  _Lolo's Bread_. And Dinah got into photography and people hire her.  _Clan-DJ_ "

"And Camzi?" Lauren asked, a small frown on her face.

Camila shook her head. "I just continued to look for you, I never tried to do anything else."

Lauren grabbed the spoon again. "W-will you do something now that I'm found?"

Camila nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

"C-can you sing? I like it when you sing," Lauren muttered, staring at her plate.

"When the time is right."

 


	9. Part 9: I Am the Only Family You Need

****Lauren had been found a few months ago. And after those months, it was the first time seeing Lauren. Mike and Clara talked to her over the phone to tell her how much they missed and loved her. After those months, it was the first time seeing Lauren again.

Mike wanted to see Lauren first, to talk to her. (But of course Camila was going to be there. Lauren almost never went anywhere without Camila.)

"D-daddy?" Lauren whispered, looking down.

"Yes Lo?" He answered, his voice soft, not trying to scare her.

He had missed Lauren. In those three years. He missed his princess, his first born. Out of all his children, he had the best bond with Lauren. And it killed him those three years, not knowing if she was alive or not. But the last few months that Lauren had been living with the girls had killed him more.

He  _knew_ she was alive, but he couldn't be there for her. He  _knew_ she was safe, but he couldn't be there for her. He  _knew_  she was hurting, but he couldn't be there for her. He couldn't be there for her even through he was dying to have his little girl in his arms.

He couldn't get the image out of his head. Lauren on her knees, reaching for his belt. Wanting to  _Thank him_  for letting her eat.

Clara was there to hold him when he cried himself to sleep. She was there to hold him when he had nightmares about what she had gone through at the hands for that  _monster._

"I-I'm sorry, I-I wasn't your little girl a-anymore," Lauren whispered, her grip tightening around Camila's hand.

"Don't apologize," Mike told her. "It's not your fault. And no matter what, you'll be my little girl."

"Y-you hate me? Y-you send me away?"

Mike sighed, shaking his head. "No, I  _love_ you. We send you away because we couldn't help you. I wish I could help you, but  _he_  was a guy. Chris and I were guys. You wouldn't have gotten better. You are getting better. You are getting better  _because_  you went to live with Camila and the girls."

"I'm getting better," Lauren whispered, looking up at her father. "I'm remembering."

"I'm so proud of you," he said, smiling softly.

"Why?"

"Because you are fighting. You are fighting to come back to us. Because you didn't let  _him_  win."

Lauren smiled, "I'm fighting."

"Can I have a hug?"

Lauren blinked. She frowned. She looked at Camila, who nodded. Taking a deep breath, Lauren stood up and walked to Mike. Mike wrapped his arms around his daughter. He heard Lauren gasp. He counted to ten in his head before letting go. He moved away, not wanting to freak Lauren out by hugging her too much.

Lauren opened her eyes and looked at him. "I-I remember your hugs," she whispered, looking at her father.

"I missed your hugs," Mike whispered.

Lauren looked at Camila before looking down at Mike's shoes.

"C-can I have a-another hug?"

Mike grinned. He took a slow step towards Lauren and wrapped his arms around her. Holding on until Lauren wanted to end it.

He missed having his baby girl in his arms.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in late 2018_

"Do you think about your family?" he asked, sitting on his bed.

Lauren was kneeling next to the bed, her gaze to the ground.

"Answer me Slave," he said, his voice harder.

She flinched. "This Slave doesn't, Master."

"You don't  _what_  Bitch?"

Lauren closed her eyes, knowing he called her a bitch when he was mad. And when he was mad, Lauren was hurt. But that was okay. Because it was her fault. She made him mad, and she had to be punished for that.

"This Slave doesn't have a family, Master. I only have you. I only need you."

He let out a laugh. "I am the only family you need."

"Master is the only family I need. Master is all I need. This Slave belongs to you."

He touched her cheek. Lauren leaned into it, as she always did. She bit her lip when she felt his hand slap her. He then grabbed her by her hair and made her look at him.

"Now, you have to learn to answer my questions," he told her, pushing her over.

Lauren hit the ground. She got up on her hands and knees. She heard him take out his belt buckle. She took a deep breath as she heard a  _swoosh_  of the flying belt before it hit her back.

She let out a groan, knowing he wouldn't like it if she screamed. He only liked the screams in the beginning. He liked silence now, unless he was making the sounds or felt like making her scream.

But she had to keep him happy, because he was all she had.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren looked around. She could see Clara sitting across her. Chris and Taylor sitting on her right. Her father sitting next to Clara. Camila was holding her hand.

Lauren rubbed her hands together, nervous about being with her family.

"Y-you've grown up," Lauren told her siblings.

Taylor shrugged. "It's been three years."

"I-I'm sorry," Lauren whispered, rocking herself.

"Sh-she didn't mean it that way. We just don't know what to say," Chris said, shaking his head.

"I missed you," Taylor said, tears in her eyes. "I-I graduated high school. I went to prom. I started to college. I grew up while you weren't here. And I can't be mad that you weren't here because it wasn't your fault."

Lauren rubbed her hands against her jeans, but Camila reached over to stop her. Lauren looked down at her hands, before looking at her sister. "I-I wish I could be there."

Taylor sighed. "I know. And I hate him. I  _hate_  him because he took you. I  _hate_  him because he destroyed us. I  _hate_  him because you aren't the Lauren I looked up to."

"I-I'm trying to go back," Lauren whispered, playing with Camila's hand. She poked at Camila's fingers. "I'm trying really hard."

"I know. I'm happy you are trying. And you've gotten better. I-I just missed you Lauren. I missed you so much," Taylor said, crying.

Lauren was freaked out a bit. She didn't know what to do. She looked at Camila, who gave her a small smile.

Lauren let go of Camila's hand and slowly stood up. She walked up to her sister and wrapped her arms around the girl. Taylor latched on Lauren, crying into shoulder.

Lauren just rubbed her back, not wanting to hurt her sister anymore.

Lauren reached over and grabbed Chris's hand. He slowly walked up to his sisters and hugged them.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

"Mami, are you mad at me?" Lauren asked, her hands behind her back, as she stood with her mother in the kitchen.

"Why would I be mad?" Clara asked, as she stirred the food, not looking at her daughter.

"Y-you haven't talked to me," Lauren whispered, looking at the ground.

Clara sighed, and stopped stirring. She turned to look at her daughter. She looked at how much healthier she had gotten. How she wasn't the same girl she was when they brought her back from the hospital.

"I'm not mad at you," Clara said, moving to sit down.

"Then who?" Lauren asked, her eyes shifting up to look at Clara.

"Myself. I couldn't help you. I couldn't protect you."

"You did," Lauren answered.

Clara shook her head. "When a mother loses her child, it's a horrible feeling. But losing you child and not knowing if they are alive or dead is even worse. You want to hope they are alive, but you don't know if they are hurting. You think they are dead, but it feels like you are giving up on them. there is no win in it."

"Mami, I'm here," Lauren said, with a strong voice, with determination. She then trembled. "Mami." She started to cry. "Mami."

Clara rushed to Lauren and hugged her crying daughter. Lauren cried, as she called for her mother.

"You're here. You are here. You are here with us, and we aren't letting go."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren was asleep. After her talk with her parents, she had been worn out emotionally and asked if she could go to sleep. Camila told her she would join her, but Dinah wanted to talk to her. Lauren to to her room (Lauren still had trouble sleeping on the bed. But she had been getting better).

Dinah and Camila were in the backyard. "You have got to stop being around Lauren so much."

Camila looked at Dinah with a frown. "What are you saying?"

"Lauren is becoming too dependent of you. We are trying to teach her to be her own person, not be an extension of you."

"She is  _not_  an extension of me," Camila snapped, glaring at Dinah. "You don't know what you are talking about."

"Have you thought of talking to someone?"

"I don't need to talk to anyone!"

"Mila, in the last three years you've become a shell of yourself. You are rarely away from Lauren."

"I let her hang out with you a few weeks ago!"

"What did  _you_  do when Lauren was with us?"

"You don't know anything?"

Dinah sighed. "I get it. You lost Lauren and you're scared to lose her again, but this isn't healthy Camila. You spend the last three years searching for Lauren, that you never got to be yourself, to find yourself."

"Stop."

"You have to listen to this."

"I don't have to!"

"Camila, please, listen. We're worried about you and Lauren. I get it. I worry when I know Lauren is out there, thinking she won't come back again."

"That's why-"

"No Camila, you are letting Lauren's kidnapping taking over your life. You have go to stop that. You have to let her find herself."

"I am!"

"Camila, everyone was hurt when she was taken from us. We all hurt. I know Mike, Clara, Chris and Taylor are in family therapy. You know the girls and I talk to someone every month. But  _you_  never tried. You need to let go of all the pain. You need to be able to let go and move on."

"I can't move on! I can't! I lost her Dinah. I lost her and it felt like my heart was ripped out. It felt like I couldn't breath for years," Camila cried.

Dinah hugged her. "I know. We all lost her too."

"I  _loved_  her."

Dinah nodded. "I know. And that Lauren, the old Lauren wouldn't want you like this. She wouldn't you to lose yourself."

"What do I do?"

Dinah ran her hand through Camila's hair.

"Talk to someone. Get help, let go of your pain. Let Lauren talk to her therapist alone. Let her be with her family. Let Lauren do things without you being there. And do things you've put off to do. Go back to school. Help Ally at the bakery, help me with my photography, help Normani, wait, you can't dance, for get that."

Camila laughed. She moved away and wiped her tears. "When did you become the voice of reason?"

"I got smart."

"I love you."

"And I love you too."

"Now go to bed, I have a feeling you are going to have a talk with Lauren tomorrow."

Camila nodded her head. "It's going to be okay?"

"You have us, you have our families. You aren't alone and you won't be alone. You'll be okay."

"I'll be okay," she whispered, as they both went into the house.

Camila went to Lauren's room and found the girl still awake. She frowned, seeing the girl falling asleep, but willing herself to wake up.

Lauren's eyes shifted to Camila, before a smile appeared. Lauren got herself comfortable, before going to sleep.

Camila sat on the bed, thinking about what Dinah had said, realizing the truth. Camila went with Lauren to visit her family, and Camila didn't even say a word. She didn't really need to be there. Lauren  _and_  Camila needed to learn that they didn't need to be with each other all the time.

Telling Lauren was going to be a tough time.

 


	10. Part 10: I Don't Think I Will Ever Be Ready

****Camila woke up with a groan. Her head was pounding. Her body was hot. She was uncomfortable.

It wasn't because she felt sick or ill, but because of what was going to happen. She knew that the conversation could go either way.

And it wasn't just about Lauren, it was about her too. She was being affected by it too.

Dinah had been right. After Lauren was taken from them, she stopped living. She could bet if she didn't have her friends, she would have lost herself long time ago.

She looked over to see Lauren still asleep. Her breathing was even and slow. Sleeping, she reminded Camila of the old Lauren. The girl looked peaceful, like the last three years didn't happen. (In the beginning, Lauren was tensed up, even when she was sleeping.)

Camila let out a sigh, as she turned to look at the ceiling. She had many thoughts running through her head.

Standing up, she went to prepare breakfast and lunch for herself and Lauren. She wanted to talk to Lauren alone, in a place Lauren enjoyed. The girl loved the beach, and Camila had found a "hidden" place, that she liked to sit and think at.

She prepared the food by herself, lost in her thoughts.

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

Lauren looked around. The sound of waves filling her ears. She could feel the breeze on her face. It felt familiar to her, and she liked it.

She could hear Camila moving around behind her. All she knew what that Camila wanted to talk to her.

Lauren didn't know what Camila wanted to talk to her about. She had been good. She wasn't bad. So she could just wonder.

"Want lunch Lo?" Camila asked, grabbing Lauren's attention.

"O-okay," Lauren answered, turning her attention to Camila.

She moved to sit next to Camila, grabbing the sandwich.

"I always liked it here. It's so calming," Camila said, looking out into the water.

Lauren frowned, as she stared at Camila. The girl looked tired, she looked lost. Lauren looked down at her food.

"Y-you wanted to talk?" Lauren whispered, looking down.

Camila nodded her head.

"You know, a few weeks after you were taken, I found this place. It became my special place, because I lost you. You were everything to me, and then you were gone. I felt like I had nothing left," Camila whispered. "I was able to get away from everything here. I was able to just sit here and let go of everything I was feeling."

Lauren put her plate down and stared at the girl in front of her. Camila's eyes stayed looking straight forward. She was talking, her voice even and far away. Lauren felt like Camila wasn't talking to her, but to herself.

"I was going to tell you how I felt that night, but I chickened out." Camila clenched her fists shut. She glared out to the water. "If I had told you, if I had  _talked_  to you instead of ignore you, maybe he wouldn't have taken you."

Lauren hummed, as she looked down. She closed her eyes. "N-no. H-he was watching. H-he was waiting for me. If he hadn't taken me that night, it would have been another."

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

_Sometime in late 2016_

"Lauren Jauregui," he said, smiling.

Lauren was curled up in the corner in fear.

"You are so hot. I love how your body curves. I love your eyes, your hair. That piercing."

"Let me go home," Lauren whispered, tears in her eyes.

He frowned. "But you are home."

"Please," she begged, tears in her eyes.

He stood up and crouched down in front of Lauren. He reached over and touched her cheek.

"I've wanted you for months. I finally got you. I'm not letting you go," he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her head. "You'll learn to love me."

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

_Present_

Camila turned to look at Lauren. They stared at each other.

Camila broke the contact first. "I-I think we're going to need space from each other."

Lauren's breath left. "Wh-why? D-did I do something wrong?"

"No! No, you did nothing wrong. You are perfect, but you are becoming a part of me. You can't sleep if I'm not with you. You won't go to therapy without me. You won't talk to anyone without my permission. I don't own you Lauren. You are Lauren. You control what you do, no one else."

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

_Sometime in Early 2017_

Lauren trembled as the cold water hit her. It felt like small knives were cutting her flesh. But she knew if she begged for warm water, he'd hurt her. He had told her that slaves didn't deserve warm water. He controlled her life.

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

_Present_

Camila stared at Lauren, who looked lost in her head. She wanted to reach over and tell the girl it was okay, that she was there, but Camila wasn't always going to be there.

Lauren had to learn to live without her. She had to learn to find who she once was with all the people in her life.

After a few more seconds, Camila decided to break Lauren's train of thought.

"Do you remember our tradition?" Camila asked, taking Lauren out of her thoughts.

Lauren looked at her, a small frown on her face.

Camila smiled. "On our birthdays. The second the clock hit midnight, the birthday girl would have a cupcake. It was just you and me."

A small light in Lauren's eyes flared up as she seemed to remember.

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)**

_Sometime in Early 2013_

Lauren smiled at the candle. It was Camila's sixteenth birthday, and Lauren wanted to be the first person to celebrate her birthday with her.

Lauren took a deep breath and knocked on Camila's hotel room. She looked down at the burning candle. The door opened, and a sleepy Camila was standing there.

Lauren grinned. "Happy birthday Camz," Lauren said, offering the cupcake to Camila.

The smaller girl grinned. She stood up straighter. "It's early."

Lauren shrugged. "I wanted to be the first one. I know this is your first birthday away from your family, and I wanted to make it special."

Camila grabbed the cupcake with a smile. "It's special because you are here."

"And I'll be here to celebrate all our birthdays together. Now blow out the candle or you'll have nothing to eat."

Laughing, Camila closed her eyes. Lauren watched as a small crinkle appeared between her eyebrows as she thought about what to wish for.

**Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)** **  
**

_Present_

"I-I remember," Lauren muttered, looking at Camila.

The younger girl grinned. "Yeah. You started it, and we both did it every year. In those years that you were gone, I still continued to get the cupcake for us."

Lauren stared at Camila.

"I think this space will do us good. I need to find myself. I need to know what I'm going to do with my life. And you need to find out who you are. You need to be the person you want to be. And I can't with that. No one can. You are Lauren Jauregui, and only you can chose to be Lauren Jauregui."

"But I need you," Lauren whispered, frowning. "I-I need you Camzi."

Camila shook her head. "I"m always going to be with you. I'll always be with you. But I'm not the only one. You still have Dinah and Mani and Ally. You have your father and mother and Chris and Taylor. You have many people in your side. And I've blinded you from that. Instead of trusting them and letting them be there for you, I've kept you myself."

"I-I've gotten better!"

"Yes, you have. But now you can get even more better with the rest of your family."

"You're leaving me?"

"Never. I'm just letting you reconnect with everyone else."

"I need you."

Camila reached over and grabbed Lauren's hands.

"I know. And I'll always need you. "I love you Lauren. I will always love you.""

"I-I can't. I n-need you with me."

"You don't Lo. You are strong. You've gotten this far. You are stronger than you think."

"I'm not."

Camila reached forward and placed her hands on the girl's cheeks. She looked into the green eyes she fell in love with in the first place.

"You are Lauren Jauregui. You are the smartest, strongest person I've ever known. You are special, and nothing will change that."

Lauren didn't respond. Camila stared into her eyes, before leaning forward and gently pressed her lips against Lauren's.

Lauren froze. Her eyes filled with tears as she felt soft lips against hers. She pulled away, her body trembling.

Camila sighed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry."

Lauren shook her head. "I-it's okay."

"It's not. You didn't want to kiss me. I didn't ask for permission."

"I-it's okay."

"It's not. Lauren, I don't matter right now. This is about you and when  _you_  are ready for things."

Lauren looked into Camila's brown eyes. "I don't think I'll ever be ready."


	11. Part 11: I'll Wait For You, Always

****Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Camila kissed Lauren. The other girl was spending more time with her family, remembering her time with them. She was sleeping in her old room, alone.

Camila didn't want to be a singer. Being in the spotlight for Lauren kidnapped, how could any of them ever go back to that?

No, Camila starter writing songs. She had so much pent up emotion she needed to release. She also started seeing someone to help her with her thoughts and her emotions.

She was getting her head in line, and could see how much better Lauren was. The other girl still flinched  when she heard a bang. She still apologized when she thought she did something wrong. She still panicked when she was in a room alone with a male, family or not.

Lauren also felt like she could ask for things, for more food without fear of being hit. She still had some relapses that came from herself punishments.

Camila and Lauren hadn't talked about their kiss. Camila kept her word and hadn't pressured Lauren into anything. She'd give the other girl a smile and a hug if they passed by each other. They'd sit in their room and Camila would listen as Lauren talked about what she did that day and how it made her feel. And Camila would in turn tell Lauren about her day.

Things were looking up.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

There was a huge crash sound, scaring Ally. She shot up and ran to the kitchen, to see Lauren staring at the broken plate on the ground. The green eyed girl looked up with tears in her eyes.

"I-I, I don't, I didn't mean," Lauren stumbled, shaking her head. Her tears started to fall from her face.

Ally looked up at Lauren, to see her devastated face. Ally took a step towards Lauren. "It's okay Lo, accidents happen."

"I-I, no," Lauren muttered, before dropping to the ground, picking up the broken pieces with her bare hands.

Ally rushed and grabbed Lauren's wrists. "You're going to hurt yourself."

"I deserve it," Lauren muttered, gripping the piece of broken plate.

Ally held Lauren's wrists with one hand and used the other one to take the plate away. "No, it was an accident. You didn't do it on purpose. Why don't you go sit down? I'll clean this out."

"I-I have, I have to, have to help you," Lauren whispered, her eyes glazed over.

"Lauren, you are  _not_  there. You are with me. You are home."

"Home," Lauren whispered, "I'm home."

She dropped the piece of broken plate and broke down. She cried into Ally.

The shorter girl ran her hand through the crying girl's hair, while they sat on the ground.

"Sh, it's okay. I'm here. You did nothing wrong. You are okay."

Lauren pressed her face against Ally's shirt, as she gripped hard.

The front door opened and Camila walked in. She saw the crying girl and looked like she wanted to sooth her.

Camila's eyes shifted from Ally to Lauren, and back to Ally, before nodding.  _You've got this_ , Camila mouthed, before walked away.

Ally turned her attention to Lauren, and started to rock them, trying to sooth her.

Lauren sobs slowed, before coming to a stop.

There was a moment of just breathing, and Ally thought Lauren fell asleep (her exhaustion tiring her out), when Lauren pushed herself from Ally. She looked up at the older girl.

"Do you think I can be fixed?"

Ally opened her mouth, before closing it. She sighed, not sure what to say.

"I think I'm too broken."

"No, Lo, you dealt with something horrible, and I think you are strong enough to put this behind you."

"But will I be fixed?"

Ally didn't answer.

"I-I know, I know what he did, what he made me do is wrong. I know, I shouldn't be scared, but I can't help it. I-It's like my head doesn't know what's real or not. My head gets all messed up, and I'm not, I'm  _her_  again. And I'm trying. I want to be Lauren again. I want to be the old Lauren, the one you loved, but I can't," Lauren told her, the tears returning.

Ally placed her hands on Lauren's cheeks and looked into her eyes. "You may not be the old Lauren, but we will still love you. No matter what Lauren you are, you are  _our_  Lauren, and that's all that matters."

Lauren smiled softly, before hugging her friend.

"Trust us to be here for you. None of us will ever leave you."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren had good days and she had bad days.

There were days she would smile and laugh. She had days where her mind would go back and she had to punish herself for all the bad things she had done.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Normani found her one day, after one of her punishments.

Again, in the kitchen. Normani walked in and saw Lauren standing there.

"Hey Lo, what are you doing?"

Lauren's head snapped to Normani, her eyes wide and shiny with tears.

Lauren opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out.

Normani looked over her and saw a pan over the fire on the stove.

"What are you making?" Normani walked to the stove and saw nothing on the pan. She frowned, not seeing even oil on it. She turned to Lauren who was staring. Her face showed that she was in pain. There was a sheet of sweat on her face.

She looked down, to see Lauren's right hand trembling, as it was curled up into a fist.

"Lo, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," Lauren said, looking away.

Normani reached for Lauren's hand, but the other girl yanked it away.

"Lo?"

"Please, I'm fine," Lauren whispered, looking up at Normani with wide eyes.

"I just want to check, please let me see your hand?"

Lauren raised her trembling hand and opened it. Normani gasped, seeing the fresh burn marks.

"We have to get this clean before it infects," Normani said, reached for Lauren's wrist and pulling her to the bathroom. She made Lauren sit on the toilet lid while the older girl searched for the first aid. "You have to stop this Lo."

"I-I can't. I'm sorry," Lauren whispered, looking down at her hand.

Normani sighed, as she opened the First Aid box and pulled out the items needed to clean Lauren's hand.

"I know you can't. If you feel like you have to be punished, please come to us," Normani said, tears in her eyes.

Lauren frowned at her. "I'm sorry." She used her free hand to wipe Normani's tears.

Normani didn't answer, as she used an alcohol covered wipe to disinfect Lauren's hand. The other girl hissed and tried to pull her hand away, but Norman held it.

"No, it's okay. Just breath. I have to clean the cut.

"I couldn't stop," Lauren whispered, watching as Normani wrapped Lauren's hand.

Normani didn't respond. She knew what the younger girl was talking about. Ally had told her about Lauren's break down, and how she couldn't control what she did.

"Done," Normani whispered, throwing away the used items and closing the First Aid box.

Lauren stood up and stared at the ground. "D-do, c-can we, uh," Lauren stuttered, unable to say whatever seh was thinking.

"You can ask me Lo."

Lauren nodded her head. "Do you want to watch a movie? I-I don't think I, uh, I shouldn't be alone."

Normani smiled softly and nodded her head. "Of course. Do you know what to watch?"

Lauren shrugged, looking down at her feet.

"How about we catch up on  _Orange is the New Black_? There are some season you haven't seen. And you have to watch the final few season of  _Game of Thrones_. You won't believe how it ended."

Lauren smiled up at Normani and nodded. "Can we?"

Normani reached for Lauren's uninjured hand and lead her to her room.

She missed hanging out with her best friend. When starting Fifth Harmony, both girls made a special bond (different from Lauren's bond with Camila). She knew it wasn't the same, but she liked having Lauren in the same room with her. She liked having her best friend back in any way she could get her.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren's therapy session were getting better. She was remembering more. She was talking more about what she went through. She was trying to move on.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Dinah sat in the waiting room, while she flipped through a book. She was waiting for Lauren to finish her therapy session. The younger girl told Camila she would take Lauren that day, wanting to spend time with the other girl.

Lauren walked out of her therapy session with a smile on her face. "DJ!"

Dinah's eyes widened as Lauren rushed to wrap her arms around the taller girl.

Dinah hugged Lauren and looked to the therapist.

Dr. Stevens gave Dinah a smile. "We got a lot done today."

"I did nothing bad, I didn't deserve what happened," Lauren said, looking up with her green eyes.

"You were never at fault Lo," Dinah said, hugging Lauren tighter.

Dr. Stevens nodded her head. "Just because she knows what happened to her shouldn't have, doesn't mean there won't be bad days. She still needs to come to see me, but we took a huge step to the right direction."

Dinah pressed her lips on top of Lauren's head. "I'm proud of you."

The doctor turned to Lauren. "I'll see you Monday. Go celebrate. You did great."

Lauren beamed and said her goodbye before turning to Dinah. "I don't wanna walk."

Dinah rolled her eyes. She released Lauren and turned, allowing the older girl to climb on her back.

Dinah carried Lauren to the car. She had Lauren get off and sit in the passenger's seat before going to the driver's seat.

"I'm getting better," Lauren said, running her finger over the burn mark on her hand. (It had been a few weeks since the incident, but Lauren still had the scar. It was just another to add to the hundred she already had, was her response.)

"You are. We're all proud of you."

"Did it hurt you?" Lauren asked, looking at Dinah.

The younger woman pulled over and turned to Lauren. "Yeah. You were my big sister."

"I-I wish I could stop myself from being taken."

Dinah gave Lauren a sad smile. "We all do."

"We-we can get passed this now, right?"

"We can, and we will. You are so strong Lo. You are the strongest person I know. Anyone else would have given up, but you haven't. You fought, and you are winning."

"I love you Dinah," Lauren told her, tears in her eyes.

Dinah smiled back. "I love you too." Dinah wiped her tears, while Lauren rubbed her eyes. "How about we buy some McDonalds on the way home?"

Lauren nodded her head. "I like the fries."

"I'll buy you extra."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren was learning. She was moving. And that was great.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren looked at Camila, with a small smile. "H-how are you?"

"Better, I wrote a few new songs. I'm going to send them out, anonymously. I don't want who I am give me an advantage."

"Th-that's good," Lauren responded, rubbing her hands together.

"You look like you want to talk," Camila told the girl, pushing the music sheets away.

"A-are you, are you mad that I, that I don't want to be with you?" Lauren asked, running her hands on the soft blanket under her.

Camila frowned. "No. I know you aren't comfortable. I know you are scared. And that's okay."

"Y-you aren't annoyed?"

Camila's frowned turned into a smile. "Lo, remember when we loved the sun and the moon and the story of those two?"

Lauren shook her head. "No, I'm sorry."

Camila had Lauren lay down, and Camila laid down next to her.

"So the sun and the moon loved each other very much. They were on either sides of the world, chasing each other. And every night, the sun would die, just so the moon can breath and shine. And every morning, the moon would die, so the sun could light everything up. But every once in a while, both the sun and moon would meet. They'd spend their time together, while everyone watches in awe," Camila whispered, reaching over and grabbing Lauren's hand.

"That's beautiful."

"We are the moon and the sun Lauren. And the time for us to come together will arrive. I'll wait for you, always. Whether it's days, weeks, months or years. I'll always be here with you. No one will ever mean to me what you do."

"One day," Lauren told her.

Camila smiled and nodded. "One day."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in Early 2019_

He let out a groan, before pushing her off him.

She panted, while she moved to her spot on the ground.

He sat up and looked down at her. He reached over and touched her cheek.

"I'm glad you're here with me," he said, smiling. He ran his hand through Lauren's hair and made her look at him.

"I love you," Lauren said, looking up at him, meaning it.

He smirked. "And you won't love anyone as much as you love me, ever."

"Never," Lauren repeated, reaching over and giving her "boyfriend" a kiss.

He grabbed her by her hair and shoved himself into her mouth. He groaned as he fucked her mouth.

"I'm the only one for you."

Lauren closed her eyes, while she felt him love her.

 


	12. Chapter 12

****_June 30, 2020 (A Year After Lauren Was Found)_

Lauren looked around the venue. As part of her therapy, she had to go back to where her life "ended". She had to go back to the venue she was taken from.

The owners allowed them to enter. Lauren was sitting at the edge of the stage, as she tried to remember that day.

"Hey Lo," Camila whispered, as she moved to sit next to Lauren. Ally, Normani, and Dinah all sat at the edge with them.

"I-I remember standing here," Lauren whispered. "I remember people screaming for us."

"It was our last ever show," Dinah added, turning to Lauren. "We weren't going to perform without you."

"Were the fans mad?"

"They were, but they knew why we stopped. Just like we were, they were scared for us," Ally told her.

"When you went missing, they printed out Missing Posters and would pass them out in every city. A lot of Harmonizers would get together on the day you were missing and hold vigils," Normani interjected.

"Did you guys go?"

"No. That day, we'd barely be able to get out of bed. There was no way we'd be able to leave the house," Camila answered, reaching for Lauren's hand.

"I want to go, c-can we go  _there_?"

Camila stood up and offered her hand to Lauren. The green eyed girl took it, and all five girls went to the hallway Lauren was taken.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Day of Kidnapping_

Lauren was looking through her phone. The girls had just finished their set and were going to get changed to go to the bus and then head to the hotels.

"Ms. Jauregui!" someone called out.

Lauren turned to see a crew member running to her.

"Yeah?"

The man panted, before stand up straight. "Ms. Jauregui, there is a package in the dressing room for you."

"Did you see what it was?"

The guy shook his head. "I was told to get you."

Lauren smiled at him. "I'll go check it out," Lauren said, smiling.

The crew man walked behind as the two headed to the dressing room.

"My sister is a huge fan," the crew man said, smiling.

"How old is she?"

"Thirteen. She has all your albums and has been to every concert here."

"That's sweet," Lauren told him, smiling.

"You're her favorite Ms. Jauregui."

"Awe. Just called me Lauren," she responded.

Lauren was about to turn, when she felt a cloth over her mouth and nose. It had a weird scent. She tried to fight, but she was losing control of her limbs.

"You can call me Master," he whispered into her ear, as she lost conscious.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

"How did no one see?" Dinah whispered, as they stood on the spot he got to Lauren.

Lauren looked around, before turning to a door.

"When did you notice I was gone?"

The fours looked down, ashamed.

"Too late."

"He would tell me he stuffed me in a closet until everyone was gone. I was in there," Lauren told them, pointing to the door.

"We're sorry we didn't notice earlier. But the time we did, he probably snuck you out of here," Ally said, looking down.

"Can we go back to the stage?"

The four girls nodded and lead Lauren to the stage, leaving the hallway behind them.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren took a deep breath, while she stood in front of the house.

"You don't have to do this," Taylor whispered, reaching for her sister's hand.

"I have to. I can't let him win. I have to show him he doesn't own me anymore," Lauren told her sister, her eyes shifting to the door.

"He's dead Lo."

Lauren shook her head. She turned to her sister. "He's alive in here," she tapped her own head, "and if don't do this, I have to show him I'm strong. I have to show him that I'm not scared anymore. I have to show him Lauren is still alive."

Taylor gave her big sister a smile. "We're with you. Always," Taylor said, signaling to the group of people standing not far from them.

"I'm not alone."

Lauren turned to the house, before walking towards it.

She had told the group that she wanted five minutes alone in each room. She needed to face everything alone.

She walked into the house, and looking around the living room. Her eyes went to the corner, before walking towards it. She turned and faced the middle of the room.

"I want you to always remember this," Lauren whispered, her eyes gazed over.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_June 27, 2019_

Lauren was curled up in the corner of the room. Her eyes were looking up at him, just as he wanted.

"I want you to always remember this," he said, before giving him a kiss. "I want you to watch."

"Y-yes Master," Lauren whispered, her eyes staying at him. She watched as he went to stand on a chair and stuck his head through a piece of rope.

"Never forget me," he said, kicking the chair from under him.

Lauren gasped, as she saw him struggle in the air. She watched as his face went purple. She watched as he went limp. She watched as he died.

She didn't know how long she was there, when the doors burst open. A group men wearing black outfits rushing into the building, red lasers scanning around the room.

Lauren hid her face, her eyes screwed shut.

"My god."

Lauren heard footsteps getting closer. She felt someone crouch down in front of her.

"Lauren?"

The name was familiar. She looked up at him. He smiled.

"Let's get you home," he whispered.

Lauren looked down. "I am home."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren let out a sob, as she closed her eyes. "This is  _not_  home," she whispered to herself.

She took a deep breath, before opening her eyes, seeing her family and friends standing there.

"This is not home," she said, a bit louder.

"Home is with us," Chris said, smiling.

Lauren nodded. Taking another breath, she walked towards the kitchen.

She looked around, seeing the dog bowl on the ground. She saw the broken glass that she had dropped. She could see some of own blood on it.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_June 27, 2019_

Lauren had dropped a glass when she heard him slam his hand against the table. She quickly crouched down and started to pick up the broken glass. She could feel the sharp ends dig into her skin.

"Leave that," he said, standing up.

"B-but I dropped it," Lauren said, as she continued to pick up the broken glass.

"I said leave it!" he snapped, slamming his hand against the table again.

Lauren flinched and dropped the glass onto the ground.

"That are coming," he told Lauren, "go to the living room."

"Wh-who?"

"Go to the living room! Don't ask stupid questions!"

Lauren nodded quickly, as she stood up and ran to the living room.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren stepped on the glass.

She clenched her teeth, as she heard the crunching from underneath her shoe.

"I am  _not_  yours," Lauren whispered, feeling her body tremble. Lauren took a deep breath.

She crouched down and grabbed the dog bowl. When she was trained enough, he let her eat with him.

She gripped the bowl harder, before throwing it across the room. It didn't break.

Lauren's tears streamed down her face faster. She was breathing hard.

"Lo?"

"I am not an animal," Lauren said, her body trembling in anger. She went to the grab the dog bowl again and started to slam it against the counter. "I am not a thing. I am not owned."

"Lauren," Camila whispered, taking a step forward.

Lauren was breathing heavily, as she stopped. She looked at the bowl, to see a dent on it. She let it drop onto the ground and just walked out of the room.

She wanted into her first room, it was bare. There was a pillow and blanket on the ground.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Day of Kidnapping_

Lauren groaned, as she woke up. She opened her eyes to see that she was in an unfamiliar room, alone. She pushed herself up, as she tried to remember what had happened.

The doorknob moved, shooting fear through Lauren. She pushed herself against the wall as the door opened.

She frowned when she saw the crew man walk in.

"Oh, you're awake. Finally."

"Who are you?"

"You will know me as Master," he said, smiling.

"No," Lauren said, standing up. She was not going to give in.

"No?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. "No? Okay, well you will refer me as such."

Lauren shook her head.

He laughed as he walked towards Lauren. She stood her ground, but gasped when he slapped her. He gripped her hair and pulled it, hard.

"You will respect me," he said, let Lauren fall to the ground. "You'll stay here to think about what you've done. And you can forget about dinner."

He left, slamming the door behind him.

Lauren laid on the ground, crying as the situation hit her.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren was sitting on the ground, her arms around her legs.

She felt her family and friends sit around her.

"Lo?"

"This is where he kept me that first year, and whenever he didn't want me in his room. This was my room," Lauren said, her voice void of any emotion.

"What are you feeling Lauren?" Clara asked.

"Angry. Sad. Hurt. Destroyed. Happy."

"Happy? Why?" Mike questioned, a small frown on his face.

Lauren looked at him, a small smile on her face. "I'm free."

She let herself calm down, before going to the last room.

She stood at the doorway, before opening the room.

The room was the same, the bed a mess, the pictures still there, the toys he used on her, the rope to tie her up.

"What's going on through your head?" Taylor asked, grabbing Lauren's hand.

"This is where a lot happened. He  _fucked_  me here. He let other guys _fuck_  me here. He'd hold me down while other men fuck me, sometimes two at a time while I begged them to stop. They liked it when I begged. They  _loved_  it when I fought back. But it always hurt worse when I fought back. So I stopped fighting and let them have their turn. It hurt less," Lauren said, walking into the room.

She stopped at the bed and stared at it. She could hear everyone else try to keep their cries under control.

Lauren wasn't stupid. She knew everyone else was hurting. They were seeing what Lauren lived through. But Lauren didn't care. She didn't care at the moment.

Lauren stared at the bed.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Sometime in late 2018_

"You're lucky I'm letting you use the bed," he whispered into her ear.

Lauren nodded, her eyes screwed shut as she felt two men push themselves inside her.

She felt tears bundle up in her eyes. One of the men pulled her hair, causing her head to tilt back.

"Open your fucking mouth," he snarled, slapping her.

Lauren whimpered, but open her mouth, letting him push himself into her mouth. She tried to gasp for air, but it was difficult.

"You love being a whore. This is the best thing that's ever happened to you. You belong to  _me_."

Lauren winced as the men got rougher.

"Dude, you got a great slut."

"She loves this."

"She'd do anything for me, she'd  _fuck_  anything for me."

Lauren's eyes filled with tears as she let the guys use her body, knowing what her Master said was true.

She was nothing but a slut.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Lauren grabbed the blankets from the ground and threw them across the room. She let out a scream, as she punched the wall, feeling her tears stream down her face. She grabbed the picture on the nightstand and threw it against the wall, watching the glass shatter. She grabbed anything she could and started to throw it, screaming and crying as she did so.

"Lauren!"

"Lauren stop!"

Lauren ignored them, as she continued to trash the room.

No one did anything when Lauren fell to her knees. She let out one last scream, as she pounded her firsts to the ground.

Breathing heavily, Lauren glared at the bed. "I am not a slut. I am not a slave."

Camila knelt down in front of Lauren. "You're not."

Lauren looked into Camila's brown eyes, before looking at the eyes of the people with her, seeing their support, their  _love_. She turned to the bed.

"I'm Lauren. I will always be Lauren."

 


	13. Epilogue: I Survived

****Lauren sat on the ground. It had been nine years since being taken by _him_. It had been six years since she was found.

Life was okay. It wasn't perfect. She still woke up with nightmares. Loud sounds scared her. She hated being alone.

But she knew none of what happened was her fault. She knew she wasn't alone. She knew she had beat  _him_.

After four years, Lauren went on her first date with Camila. Camila was very cautious. It wasn't the annoying kind, where she'd ask Lauren if she was okay every five seconds. But she made sure the places they went to wouldn't trigger Lauren. The second she noticed any discomfort on Lauren's face, Camila would just say she wanted to leave, making it seem like it was Camila's idea.

But Camila wasn't the only one. Normani, Dinah and Ally all learned Lauren's triggers. They had helped the girl through her panic attacks many times. Dinah would sing some songs in her native language. Ally would talk about a new treat she was thinking of making at her bakery. And Normani would talk about some dance moves she thought of and ask Lauren what she thought about it. They learned that the way to get Lauren to calm down was to take her mind off of what bothered her and make her focus on a single thing.

But it was the anniversary of her kidnapping. It never got easier. It was the day her life stopped all those years ago, and Lauren was easily triggered because of it.

Lauren looked up when the door opened.

"Hey," Camila whispered, smiling softly.

Lauren didn't respond, she just looked back down.

Camila just moved and sat down next to Lauren. She made sure she wasn't touching the older girl. Camila could still remember that first day, where she learned of the way to handle Lauren.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Four Years After Lauren's Kidnapping_

Camila woke up. She kept hearing small cries and was confused. She sat up and looked around. She saw Lauren curled up in the corner of the room.

Camila was slightly confused. She reached for her phone and looked at the time. It was three in the morning. She sat up and walked to Lauren.

"Lo?"

There was no answer, but Lauren did try to move closer to the wall. Camila frowned. She had noticed Lauren's attitude change in the last few days. She had been getting better, but she was going back to her jumpy self.

Of course Camila knew why. The anniversary of Lauren's kidnapping had been getting closer.

But she didn't remember at that moment. She wasn't fully awake.

"Lauren," Camila whispered, crouching down in front of the girl.

Lauren's eyes frightened eyes moved up to Camila.

Camila reached for Lauren, but the older girl let out a scream.

"No! Please! I'll be good! Stop!"

Camila flinched and jumped back, her eyes wide. She watched as Lauren started to cry.

"Please don't take me," Lauren whispered, her voice broken.

Camila's own eyes filled with tears. She just sat in front of Lauren, not wanting to leave, but not wanting to scare the girl any longer.

Lauren was just curled up, her eyes on a spot on the ground. Muttering the same three words,  _Don't take me_.

"I'm here for you," Camila whispered, not getting close to the scared girl.

Lauren looked up at Camila, before turning away.

"I'll be right here."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

Someone would always sit with Lauren when she was in her head. They'd talk to her or just sit in silence. As long as Lauren knew she wasn't alone.

"Your parents are in the living room. We were thinking of watching a movie."

Lauren looked up. "Mami is here?"

Camila smiled. "She is. And I'm sure she wanted to see you. I think she wanted to cuddle with you."

"Wh-what movie?"

"We were thinking the live action  _Lion King_  film."

"Was it good?" Lauren asked, her mind leaving what happened all those years ago.

"It didn't beat the original. But it's worth watching. Do you want to judge it for yourself?"

Lauren nodded her head. Camila stood up and held out her hand. Lauren took it, allowing her girlfriend to help her up.

Camila looked into Lauren's eyes. "I love you, okay? I will always love you. Never forget that. You are brave, and beautiful. You'll get past this day, just like you did every other year. He'll never win."

"He'll never win, because I have you and Mani and Dinah and Ally and my mom and my dad and Chris and Tay and Sofi. He isn't going to win."

"You have us, always."

Lauren smiled softly, and allowed the younger girl to pull her to the living room. She saw her friends and family sitting around the couches. Lauren looked at her mother and smiled.

"Hi Mami," Lauren whispered, walking to her mother and letting go of Camila's hand.

Clara stood up and opened her arms for Lauren, who walked into them. Lauren closed her eyes as Clara wrapped her arms around the girl.

"Want to watch the movie?" Clara asked, smiling at her oldest child.

Lauren nodded her head, holding her mother close. Clara moved them so Lauren was sitting between her mother and father. Lauren reached over and held Mike's hand, while Taylor played the movie.

Camila moved to sit next to her seventeen year old sister.

"Get off your phone loser," Camila said, grinning at her sister, who glared at her.

"Shut up, just because you don't have any other friends doesn't mean you can stop me from talking to mine," Sofi muttered, glaring at her sister.

Camila rolled her eyes and looked at Lauren, who looked comfortable being held by her parents. Lauren looked over and smiled back, before turning to the movie, which was just starting.

Camila pulled her sister close, smirking when she felt the teenager relax in her arms.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Five Years Ago_

"Hey Lo, your old friends are still asking if they could see you."

Lauren looked at Dinah, who was staring at her phone.

"Who?"

"Alexa, Keana, Lucy."

Lauren looked away. "L-Lucy?"

"Yeah, they've been asking since you were found, but we kept saying no, because you weren't ready. Do you want to see them?"

"D-do you think they'll still want to be my friend?" Lauren asked in a small voice, looking up at Dinah with her green eyes. "I-I'm not the same person. I'm damaged."

"You aren't damaged Lauren. Don't ever let us hear you say that again," Dinah told the girl. She reached over and held Lauren's hand. "They were your other best friends, and they haven't given up. And if they don't want to be in your life anymore, it's there loss."

"C-can you be there?"

Dinah smiled. "All of us were planning on here when they saw you. You aren't doing this alone."

Lauren smiled softly, nodding her head. "Okay."

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren was nervous. She hadn't seen her other friends in over three years, since she was kidnapped. And when that happened, she and Lucy were in their on again, off again relationship. Lauren was hoping Lucy didn't want to start their relationship again. She wasn't ready.

There was a knock on the door, and Lauren always ran away. She took a deep breath and stood up. She watched as the three other girls walked in.

They all looked beautiful. The last three years had done them good.

Keana took the first step, but just one. She smiled at Lauren as her eyes filled with tears. "Hi Lauren."

Lauren looked at the girl who spoke. She gave them a small smile. "H-hi."

"We missed you so much," Alexa added, not moving.

Lauren was grateful for that. She knew she couldn't deal with them getting close to her, not at that moment. She was getting better, but she wasn't one hundred percent.

She turned to the girl who hadn't spoken. The girl had tears streaming down her face.

"Lucy?"

The girl in question shook her head. "I, I just missed you so much."

Lauren nodded her head. "D-do you want to sit down? Camz said she was going to buy pizza."

Camila's head shot up with a frown. "I said no such thing."

Ally reached over and slapped the top of Camila's head. "Go get the pizza."

Camila glared at her, before sighing. "Fine. Mani, come with me."

Normani waved at the three new girls and followed Camila out.

Dinah walked to Lauren. "We'll be in the kitchen. We won't be far. They still love you."

Lauren nodded her head. The taller woman kissed Lauren's forehead and walked into the kitchen, leaving Lauren alone with her old friends.

"A-are you better?" Keana asked, causing Alexa to hit her with her elbow.

Lauren smiled. "Not entirely. But I'm getting better."

"That's good. Dinah and the girls helping you?" Alexa added, nodding her head.

"Yeah. It was hard at first, trying to remember who I was, but they kept reminding me. They never gave up even though it was easier to do so."

"C-can you tell us what you went through? No one ever told us," Lucy whispered, looking at Lauren.

The girl sitting alone looked down. "H-he, uh, he made me into his sex slave. Used pain to make me forget who I was," she started, before telling them more.

By the end of it, the three other girls were crying.

They sat there, taking in what they heard.

"We aren't going anywhere," Alexa said, looking at Lauren.

"We're here for you too. Whenever you need us," Keana added.

Lucy and Lauren stared at each other. Keana and Alexa stood up. "We're going to see if Dinah and Ally need help."

Lauren nodded her head. She watched as Keana squeezed Lucy's hand and walked away.

"C-can I sit next to you?" Lucy asked, looking at Lauren.

The green eyed girl nodded her head.

Lucy and Lauren sat next to each other.

Lauren looked at Lucy. "You and Keana?"

The smile vanished from Lucy's face. "Yeah. L-losing you so suddenly hurt so much. I don't know how many times I cried to Keana. And she was there. And one thing lead to another, and we fell for each other. But I couldn't fully commit."

"Why not?"

Lucy sighed. "It always felt like I was cheating on you. We never got to finish what we had. I know we never will, and that's okay, but at the time, it never felt right. It just felt so wrong."

"I want you to be happy. I want you to be with who makes you happy."

Lucy let out a sob. "I thought I lost you forever. You weren't just my girlfriend, you were my best friend, and I lost you. It hurt."

"I missed you too," Lauren whispered, looking at her own hands.

Lucy smiled. "No, you didn't think of me at all. You couldn't. From what you told me, you didn't even think of yourself. Please do that."

"Do what?"

"Thank for yourself. Put yourself first, please."

Lauren nodded her head. "I"m learning to again. Think of what is good for me."

"I'm going to hug you," Lucy whispered, moving close to Lauren. Lauren nodded her head and wrapped her arms around Lucy, closing her eyes. "I miss this."

Lauren sighed. "Me too. Please don't let go."

"I don't plan to."

Lauren tightened her grip.

Camila and Normani walked in soon after with the pizza. Lauren opened her eyes but didn't move from the embrace. Camila smiled at Lauren, walking to the kitchen,

Lauren closed her eyes, feeling the comfort of the hug.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

_Present_

After that day, Alexa, Keana and Lucy visited more often. Vero visited a few times, but it wasn't the same with her.

None of the girls expected Lauren to get a job. They didn't want to make her search for one. They wanted her to just work on herself. And they knew if she did find somewhere to work, she'd struggle.

And it wasn't that they didn't believe in her. They did, but she sometimes would get panic attacks trying to get the mail. She was getting better, but it wasn't better enough that she'd survive out with a job.

But they had talked about it. And at the moment, Lauren would work with Ally at the bakery It obviously got packed, because who wouldn't want to visit their favorite pop star's new work?

Lauren was never out with the customers, she'd stay in the kitchen with the baker and help around.

And when it was closing time, Lauren and Ally would eat whatever was left over and just stay together.

"Is there anything new you want to try?" Ally asked, as she always did.

Lauren would just shaking her head. "No. I like what we do."

Ally would smile and nod. "If you want to try anything, let me know, okay?"

"Can we take these to Manibear, and DJ and Camz?"

"Of course. Dinah would dunk my head into the toilet if I don't," Ally said with a laugh. She stood up and started to prepare the leftovers.

They both stood up and started to walk to the parking lot to Ally's car. "How about tomorrow, I teach her my special treat?"

"Eatables?" Lauren asked, a small smile on her face.

Ally stopped and narrow her eyes. "You wish. I don't want to be closed down."

Lauren grinned, knowing that Ally was just joking around.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren looked out the window. "Are you guys going to let me drive again?"

Dinah looked up with a frown. "It's been nine years. Sorry if I value my life too much to let you crash my car."

Before Lauren could answer her, their food arrived. Lauren frowned and turned to Dinah. "I can't get used to this."

"To what?"

"To the waiters bringing us our food."

"McDonalds got fancy," Dinah told her, a smile on her face.

McDonalds became a 'Laurinah' thing, as Dinah called it. Once a week, Dinah and Lauren would go to McDonalds and eat the fries.

Dinah always let Lauren have most of them. And she'd just sit there and listen to Lauren talk. The older girl always talked about what she did with Ally, or Normani, or Camila. Or she'd talk about what she wanted to do with Dinah.

(And the sad part was that they never did. There was a time Lauren was gushing about a fair, and they tried it. Lauren didn't last two minutes before she begged Dinah to take her home. After that, Dinah would just make empty promises, and Dinah knew that Lauren knew they were empty.)

"I haven't been to Disney World in a long time," Lauren said, shoving five fries into her mouth.

"It's been a long time," Dinah said, grabbed one fry.

"Do you think we can go? I think I'm getting better. I think I can handle it," Lauren said, her face pleading with Dinah.

Dinah looked at Lauren. "We'd have to talk to the other girls."

Lauren grinned, before grabbed a handful of fries and shoving them in her mouth.

They didn't go to Disney World.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Normani took a breath as she sat down next to Lauren.

"What are you doing here? All alone?"

Lauren looked over and shrugged. "I don't know."

"What's going on in your head?"

"Just thinking about life if I was never taken. Would we still have been a group? Would we had split up?"

Normani shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we would have left one by one. Maybe we would have still been together. We don't know."

"Sometimes I think it's my fault Fifth Harmony is over. If I hadn't-"

"No," Mormani interrupted, "yes, your kidnapping put an end to our group, but it was  _not_  your fault."

"But you stopped doing what you loved," Lauren whispered, looking away.

"Yes, we loved singing, but it wasn't the only thing we loved. We're still doing what we loved. We are still with the people we love. None of this was  _your_  fault Lauren."

"I know it wasn't, but it feels like it, you know?"

"I don't, but I'm going to remind you every time. We promise you, you didn't stop us from living. You have to let that go."

Lauren gave Normani a small smile before moving so she was leaning against the older girl.

Normani wrapped her arm around the younger girl. They both just sat there, enjoying each other's presence.

**_Who Are You Today? ('Cause I Am Not the Same)_ **

Lauren was laying on the bed, with her head on Camila's stomach. She could feel Camila run her hand through the other girl's hair. Lauren's eyes were closing, as sleep started to call to her.

"Lauren, I love you," Camila whispered, looking down at the girl.

"I love you. Thank you for being patient with me," Lauren whispered. "You haven't pushed me for sex."

Camila let out a small laugh. "Can't miss something I haven't experience. I'll wait however long you need. We don't even have to have sex, ever. As long as you love me and you are comfortable with me, that is okay."

Lauren turned so she could look at Camila. "I'm lucky I have you."

Camila shook her head. "I'm lucky you love me."

Lauren smiled and laid there, while Camila played with her head. Camila watched as Lauren's eyes slowly closed, her breath evening out.

"I survived," Lauren whispered, as sleep over took it.

Camila smiled. "Yeah, you did. We're all proud of you."

Lauren smiled in her sleep, curling up closer to Camila.

"I'm so proud of you."

-

**_The End_ **

 


End file.
